The Deadmontonian

True Blood and True BS (SPOILER HEAVY!)

2011-09-12T00:20:00.000-07:00

I've always rather enjoyed HBO's True Blood, but this season tried my patience. Sure, the show has always lapsed into melodrama and bullshit soap opera-ness, but in past seasons, everytime the cheese starts to get too thick, the writers have always given audiences a great and gory "what the fuck" moment - such as the vampire king of Louisiana ripping the spine from a news anchor live on TV in season 3.

Season four layed on the cheese thicker than a Guy Fieri dish, and had very few moments of WTF to... well... cut said cheese. This season was so meandering it became boring; full of too many subplots and way too many characters... the number of shapeshifting denizens alone was almost too much to keep up with. Werewolves, shapeshifters, werepanthers... I was half expecting one of Tim Sullivan's biker-gay werebears from Chillerama (repeat screening October 14th at Metro Cinema!) to pop up. Not to mention, fairies, mediums, ghosts, and the season's big bad, witches.

None of it gelled like it did in previous seasons. In an effort to get from plotline to plotline, the show sacrificed heart, humor, and its trademark blood and guts. And don't even get me started on the head witch's Ronnie James Dio-esque spellcasting.

Truth be told, I kinda stopped caring about the show. But the fact that 90 percent of the other channels were chock full of 9/11 anniversary coverage, I summoned up a "meh" and gave tonight's season finale a shot. And although, like the entire season, the finale was meandering and felt tacked on, I actually had a pretty good time with it. The humor, the heart, and the gore were all back in spades... especially the humor.

The best parts of the show:

Jesus' warning that "you can't trade magic like fucking Pokemon cards";

Witch Marnie's final exclamation - "this fucking sucks!" given with great delivery;

Bill liking Eric much better when he was "brain damaged";

finally seeing Jessica's ta-tas (and that little red riding hood getup was dead-hot too);

Sheriff Andy's pathetic yet somehow suave pick-up attempt;

Vamp Pam's rant about Sookie's "fairy vagina";

and that fucking love triangle BS that thankfully (we can hope) came to an end tonight - both the vamp and the shapeshifter ones. This pretty much derailed the season for me.

As expected, lots of characters bit it in the finale. Some shockingly, some sadly, and some gleefully (although I'll miss Nan's bitchiness, it was getting irritating). And some characters from past seasons are coming back into the mix, including a surprising new vampire and the ghost of a previous big bad.

The finale hooked me in just enough that I MAY tune in next season. But it better be more focused, streamlined, and fun than this one.

As for other TV, well my fave Curb Your Enthusiasm ended it's season tonight as well with a gut buster of an episode. Within the first FIVE MINUTES, we have a gay seven year old swastika-loving child and a Michael J. Fox Parkinson's joke. Before you send them hate mail, Mr. Fox guest starred playing himself as Larry's upstairs neighbor. In fact, after the Curb season finale, I'm convinced that 99% of the Michael J. Fox Parkinson's jokes were started by Fox himself. I kid you not, MJF goes to get Larry a drink and says "I'll be back in two shakes." He is simply hilarious, and it was great to see him back on TV. From exploding pop bottles to late night stomping, he keeps Larry guessing whether he's getting fucked with or whether its part of the disease ("Pissed or Parkinson's? I'm not sure..."). And the young actor playing the seven year old of dubious sexual orientation almost stole the show away from Fox and David. One of the best shticks of the series is how obvious things are to Larry that everyone else is oblivious to. It was a great way to end a pretty... pretty... pretty damn good season.

And Entourage, a show both loved and reviled, wrapped up for good (until the movie at least) tonight. Lots of people rag on the show because its essentially about a bunch of spoiled rich boys driving hot cars, going to hot clubs, and banging hot women. Their point?

The show has always been about escapism. I work in film and TV (even in a small city like Edmonton), and I gotta say, whether you're making a documentary, working on local TV, or doing some other creative endeavor, I bet deep down inside most of us are in the biz because we want a little bit of that Hollywood magic. And for me, if I can't get it here, watching Entourage is probably the next best thing.

But under the glitz and glamour, the show's always been about loyalty and the "bro-code". And it's never lost that theme. So by the end of the episode (and the series), everyone winds up happy. Including Ari Gold, who manages to save his marriage in one of the best scenes of the entire run. Entourage wrapped with an ok episode with a few sentimental moments (and a great post-credits bit).

So that's it for TV's more interesting moments of the summer. For now, I'll wait with baited breath for new seasons of Bored to Death (a series that got MUCH better in its second season), Boardwalk Empire, and down the road, Californication.

Blood, Body Horror and Boobies at the Fringe!!

2011-08-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

For those of you breathlessly anticipating DEDfest (and we hope you are!), there are a few offerings at this year's Fringe Festival to tide you over!

For the blood, there's an adaptation of Bram Stoker's classic DRACULA that's sure to chill the blood. And for another kind of undead experience, check out NOTES FROM A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. If you're a sick person (like me) and love to see what kinds of punishments the body can withstand, check out our good friends' Ryan Stock and Amber Lynn's freakshow called - appropriately enough - SICK?.

From blood to boobies, check out the Hook'Em Revue Burlesque at Wunderbar.

For the comic geeks, there's the epic tale of HAROLD OF GALACTUS, and for those of you that caught the comedy of Mostly Water Theatre a few years ago at DEDfest, MWT's Trent Wilkie has a one man show at Filthy McNasty's called AACHEN about a crusty old bastard.

Happy Fringing... see you at NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD this Friday at Metro Cinema!

Transformers 3: AKA You Got One More Chance Michael Bay!

2011-06-29T04:23:00.000-07:00

I’m not going to go into some long-winded bullshit about Transformer toys, Michael Bay raping childhood, etc. etc. I did own the toys when I was a kid, but they never really matched in scale to my GI Joes and Star Wars figures, so I didn’t really give much thought to them. I tried to pair up the two but when you folded up the transformers they looked like bumper cars compared to the Joes. And I now have officially gone on too long about the toys.

Didn’t really give a shit when the first Transformers film came out, but caught it in the theatre and was underwhelmed to say the least. I couldn’t, for the life of me, tell the difference between Optimus Prime and Megatron. And the spastic way the fight scenes were filmed didn’t help... it looked like those old Tasmanian Devil cartoons where he’d whip himself into a dervish and shit would fly out of the tornado.

Second film? Even worse. Had no fucking clue what was going on. Plus they had little Spike Lee-looking “afro-bots” that completely blew with me what little goodwill Bay had for making the awesome THE ROCK.

Third film? Not excited. Bay had two chances to give us all what we really wanted to see: giant robots fighting; and he buggered it both times. But whether it was the marketing or the early positive reviews... or the fact the Rio had a midnight screening and I had nothing else to do, I was suckered out of $15 and two and a half hours of my life.

And surprisingly, I LIKED it. In fact, it may very well be the only summer film so far that I’ll see twice – for sheer spectacle alone. Third time for a franchise is usually far from a charm, but with Transformers, Bay seemed to finally get it. It’s not without flaws – after some really cool retro NASA business (albeit with a badly rendered CGI John Kennedy) the first chunk of the movie is dedicated to Shia Lebeouf looking for a job. The film beats you over the head with the utterly ridiculous fact that this college grad who hangs with giant robots, and got medals for saving the world twice (and in the second, had a shitload of alien knowledge pumped into his brain – can’t believe I remembered that) can’t get a job. That’s right; our hero’s biggest dilemma isn’t robots or alien conquest, but paying the rent. This whole subplot could have been dropped with a snap of Bay’s fingers, leaving more time for ‘splosions. The whole point of this seemed to be to bring in an odd-looking (and I hope those aren’t his real teeth) John Malkovich, who comes on screen, acts a bit goofy, and then is never seen again. The writers should have simply made Shia “liaison to the bots” or some bullshit, and got on with it.

But once the action gets rolling about 30 minutes in, the film becomes a juggernaut. And most importantly, instead of badly choreographed fights and choppy action, we get some truly thrilling beat downs, car chases, and mayhem. It’s as if filming in 3D was like Ritalin for Bay... he finally slowed down and learned how to properly stage his set pieces. Even the human-based action scenes are fluid and well structured. Unlike the first two films, Bay lets the audience know what the fuck is going on.

And the 3D is incredible. What I assumed would be the typical marketing gimmick designed to lift a few more bucks from wallets ends up being quite the masterful use of the tech. I’m not even getting to the best part yet. Quick plot rundown: turns out some cybertron (that’s the bot’s home world) shit crashed on the moon, hence NASA spending most of the ‘60’s trying to get there. Some shit goes down, the Autobots find out about their junk being up there, and head up in a rocket to find the near-death Sentinel Prime (voiced very cooly by Leonard Nimoy – who in a goosebump-inducing moment even throws in a very familiar line from Wrath of Khan). They resurrect the old Prime, and that’s when the shit hits the fan. Soon Shia and his hot new girlfriend are being chased by Decepticons after some space-age macguffin that will destroy mankind.

And I haven’t even got to the best part – the full on invasion of Chicago by an army of Decepticons. We’re talking War of the Worlds/Mars Attacks style mass destruction. Bay and crew manage to pull off the near apocalypse of the Windy City, complete with human incinerations, in a sequence that will most surely win the CG team an Oscar. Add in a shitload of soldiers actually delivering some payback to the ‘cons, some amazing (real) skydiving stunts in glorious 3D, and some well-done robot battles, and we essentially have the epic battle we’ve been waiting for with the Terminator franchise.

The film overall has a more adult sensibility. Gone are the fetchit-bots, the testicle references, the scat and urine humor, and most of the clowning around that marred the first two films. The violence is definitely more visceral – the robots even bleed red – and the ‘bot invasion is quite intense. Hell, even Turturro manages to steal his scenes without resorting to too much muggery. The whole thing is played, thankfully, with a much more serious tone.

Before you think this review is a Michael Bay circle jerk, the film is far from perfect. There are some head scratching moments, including (SPOILER) why the Autobots wait until most of Chicago’s populace is either incinerated down to their skulls, crushed or exploded before joining the battle. I don’t ask for much, but a simple line saying “we tried to make it sooner” would have sufficed. Instead, the autobots come across as dicks. And character development? You expect that from a giant robot flick? Robot Jox had more character development that this. Even the Autobots seem more believable than the human characters.

But if you’re looking for some cheap summer thrills that deliver, and are actually worthy of the 3D technology... I can’t believe I’m saying this... go see Dark of the Moon.

(hangs head in shame)

TALES FROM TERMINAL CITY: Super 8

2011-06-10T03:12:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Last blog was January so I figured time to update! As some of you know, The Dedmontonian - me, has moved to the coast, making me the... Vancleaverian? I'll work on that. I moved out here for work and to also spread the good word of DEDfest, but don't worry kiddies. I will return for our yearly marathon of madness. And the added bonus? We (and our amazing friends at Metro Cinema) will be bringing you the bad-assed-ness from the historic Garneau Theatre this fall! Once we make our dates final, we'll make an announcement. Stay peeled to www.dedfest.com for more details.

I figure with all the strangeness, wonderment, and sometimes the frustrations of a new city - especially a city with such roots in the entertainment and film industries - I'll have more fodder for this blog. I'll get into the pole dancing busker on Commercial Drive and the lingerie photoshoot in a store window in Gastown some other time (and those were just from yesterday afternoon!). I should start things off again... and appropriately... with a movie blog.

One of the niceties of living in a film-centric community is the chance to do things like, say, walk down the road and catch a midnight screening of J.J. Abrams' new film Super 8. The verdict? Well aside from my initial thought of "Spielberg with lens flare", Super 8 turned out to be a fun, yet flawed retro mashup of Mr. Spielberg's greatest hits (Spielberg was producer on Super 8 by the way). If anything, the film is like a very entertaining cover band.

The plot? Essentially it's ET meets Cloverfield. Precocious kids making zombie flick, strange and nasty alien caught on film, even nastier government soldiers, themes of loss and heartfelt family drama - that pretty much sums it up. What worked about the film? Abrams, like Senor Spielbergo before him, nails the casting. These kids are naturals, especially the leads Elle Fanning and Joel Courtney. And the rest of the group are fun to watch. Abrams never paints these characters with broad strokes or falls prey to cliches. The fat kid isn't funny because he's portly, he's funny because he's a bossy director; the small kid is funny not because of his size but because of his pyromaniac tendencies; and so on. And these kids can hold their own alongside most of this year's adult action heroes. On that note, the grown ups in the film (Kyle Chandler and Ron Eldard as the respective dads) are great too.

I also dug the film's retro setting. Replace the CGI with some practical effects and drag the film print around the parking lot a few times and you could sell someone on this film actually being made in 1979. There are references to pot, disco, The Knack, etc., and for the geeks, we got nice mentions of Aurora Models, Dick Smith makeup, and Fangoria Magazine. Although quite a few critics have criticized Abrams for it, I never found those nostalgic touches too heavy handed.

What was heavy handed, and what nearly derailed the film for me, was the ending. Not plot-wise, but in the way Abrams trotted out the "core" of the film, so to speak, in a very hammy way. And strangely, I'm not quite sure why it felt cheeseball. Perhaps when Spielberg did it in the 70s and 80s, it felt kinda fresh in the context of an event movie. I think as well that in those iconic films, Spielberg had been drawing on his own experiences and influence to give audiences that extra depth - there just seemed to be that something personal in his films. Abrams seems to be drawing on his memories of Spielberg's influences and experiences rather than infusing the film with his own.

And that is what Super 8 feels like: a photocopy of a Spielberg film. A very entertaining and enjoyable copy, but a photocopy nonetheless. Despite that, and because we've had more than enough "event" films over the past few years that had no heart or character at all (looking at YOU Transformers), I'd gladly take a summer movie that dares to put story and character over spectacle any day.

Oh and once last thing, you nancies that like to leave as soon as the credits roll? Stick around to see the finished Super 8 zombie film!

Top Terrors of 2010!

2011-01-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

I’m not normally too keen on doing these things as it seems every blogger or critic is spewing out their own top ten lists, but this year has definitely called for a look back – not just in terms of film, but life in general. 2010 wasn’t what I would call a “good” year, but it has been a year of accomplishments. Those accomplishments came despite major obstacles.

We bookended the year with two big sell-outs – January’s screening of The Thing and December’s premiere of Rare Exports. And despite having to change our dates and compete against the Fringe Fest, DEDfest was better attended than in 2009. Thanks to all you sick fuckers for continuing your support this year.

I personally learned some harsh lessons this year that have made me stronger and wiser. We do DEDfest because Kevin and I love horror films and our city’s wicked horror fans. But I also have an ulterior motive. As a member of this city’s film and TV industry, I want to see it grow. For me, DEDfest has provided an opportunity to highlight this city as both a great place to watch horror movies AND make horror movies too. If we build on, and showcase our city’s amazing genre community, we could both grow local talent and draw the best in the genre to film in our city (incidentally, Darren Bousman, who was here with Fear Itself, filmed recently in Winnipeg).

The lesson learned? If you try to renovate a small pond, the big fish will get pissed off. Big fish like being big fish and sometimes they like making sure little guppies like me stay small and edible. As a result of pissing off a big fish, I spent most of 2010 semi/unemployed. I went “from Guinness to Lucky Lager” as an acquaintance so eloquently put it.

Plus we nearly lost the damn festival. Venue renos meant that in order to put DEDfest on in 2010, we had to find an alternate location. In a town with only one independent theatre (don’t listen to what those guys on the south side tell ya... they’re a chain), it’s an almost impossible feat. Yet with the help and support of our friends and partners at Metro Cinema, the city’s awesome underground community, and you the fans, we were able to bring you DEDfest again.

There were more obstacles... too many to mention. As many of you know, i’ll be spending much of 2011 in a different city. I’ve decided to head to Vancouver, where I can hopefully get enough ammo under my belt to come back here for a figurative shootout with those who, for ego-based reasons, don’t wanna see the film industry grow out here. I’m kicking the big fish out of our small pond, and making a goddamn lake.

But enough about the old pigeon-feeding fuckers. Here are my favourite genre films of 2010! Please note that although I program a horror film fest, I didn’t get as many films as I wanted to this year. As a result, I missed out on a number of films that might have easily captured a spot or two... films like Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, Phobia 2, The Loved Ones, The Last Lovecraft, Insidious, Rubber, Cold Fish, and I Saw the Devil. Here’s hoping these films get to our fair city in 2011.

Black Swan

Holy shit did this film come out of nowhere and knock me on my ass. I’ve been a modest fan of director Darren Aronofsky’s work, but Black Swan floored me. What starts out as an edgier version of Altman’s ballet film The Company turns into the type of body-horror flick that Cronenberg would have made. And Natalie Portman gives a stunning performance as the tightly wound, crumbling lead ballerina. Her very face, as beautiful as it is, looks like it’s about to crack apart in nearly every frame. And the lesbian scene between Portman and Mila Kunis is worth the price of admission alone.

Piranha 3D

Fuck James Cameron. What happened to the guy who used to love our genre? What happened to the director that made The Terminator and Aliens (and Piranha 2)? It seems his little 3D smurf film gave him a case of the snobbies, evidenced by his criticism of this popcorn flick. In addition to the hate on from the self professed “king of the world”, the film was criminally underseen. Why audiences flocked to shittily post-converted 3D versions of Last Airbender and Alice in Wonderland, yet stayed away from a film that embraced and used to the utmost the latest 3D tech is beyond me. Was the 3D in this film more of a gimmick? Hell yes. And it worked. Seeing the lesbian 3D underwater swim scene was worth the price of admission alone.

Machete

Despite the financial failure of 2006’s Grindhouse, the exploitation boom is still going strong. 2010 brought us the first bit of glory promised by that film’s many fake trailers, and it was glorious indeed. What was originally supposed to be a direct-to-DVD film soon began drawing the likes of Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, and Steven Seagal. With an all-star cast, over the top direction from Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis, and one stone cold Mexi-killer performance from Danny Trejo, Machete was the crowd-pleaser to beat for the year. And the lesbian scene between Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez was worth the price of admission alone. Wait, that part was in my head.

The Human Centipede: First Sequence

I had no idea what to expect with this film. It entered the pop-culture consciousness like no other horror film had all year; it was even referenced by TV talk show hosts. Thankfully, the film lived up to the hype, mainly due to the performance by Dieter Laser (yes that’s his name) as the mad scientist intent on making a fleshy, poopy masterpiece. The film wasn’t nearly as gory as it could have been, yet it polarized the audience at this year’s DEDfest screening. Let’s see what director Tom Six has in store for us with 2011’s Second Sequence.

I Spit on Your Grave

Besides Machete, this was the other great crowd pleaser of 2010. Many criticized the film as being too “Saw-like”, but I loved the fact that the film turfed the original’s uncomfortable attempts at titillation and made it a balls-out revenge flick. The rape scene was suitably unpleasant, making the kill scenes all the more satisfying. Anal shotgun rape? Check. Eye gouging? Check. Requisite manhood mutilation? Motherfucking check. And Sarah Butler gave a performance one step above the typical scream queen and created a character I would gladly see in numerous sequels... perhaps this is Death Wish for a new generation? If you missed it in August, check it out when it hits Blu Ray this February.

Doghouse

One of my biggest regrets of 2010 was that i couldn’t bring this film to the big screen here in Edmonton. The best Zom-Com since Shaun of the Dead, Doghouse shows how good a horror film can be when all the characters are worth investing in. In addition to a great cast, wickedly inventive makeup effects (the best Deadites since Army of Darkness) and a fun story, its also the ultimate bloke’s film - a great movie to watch with some good buddies and beer.

Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale

Another film that surprised the shit out of me (and helped us sell out the Metro this December!) was Rare Exports, a yuletide horror flick out of Finland that despite the dark subject matter, actually succeeded in being a great holiday film. Although light on gore (and heavy on old man penis), Rare Exports felt like the kind of film Joe Dante would have made in between The Howling and Gremlins. My only complaint: I wanted to see what the real Santa looked like!

The Crazies

While working on Fear Itself in 2008, I had the chance to talk with Breck Eisner. The only work Eisner had done up until that point was the modest but serviceable adventure flick Sahara, but I knew he was remaking the Romero classic, so I had to ask him about it. After chatting with him in the lunch room, I was pleasantly surprised because he seemed to get it. He wasn’t just a hired gun like the Platinum Dunes hacks, Eisner seemed to be a genuine, reverent fan of the original. And when the film finally came out in early 2010, my suspicions that Eisner had done good were proven. While the original played on people’s newly formed mistrust of government, the remake took things even further and played with our modern age’s many paranoias and fears – fears of disease, terrorism, our own military and even our own neighbours. And it delivers on the sauce and scares.

Never Sleep Again

It’s funny (and sad) that a documentary on the Nightmare On Elm Street series was ten times more entertaining than the remake. The most comprehensive, yet well paced film documentary I’ve seen in a long time, NSA brought up things about the Elm Street series I never knew – like the extent of Peter Jackson’s involvement. The interviews were refreshingly candid as well, especially with regards to the working relationship between original director Wes Craven and New Line head honcho Robert Shaye. A must see for all horror fans.

[REC]2

[REC]2 was the rare follow-up that not only expands on the original, but takes the franchise in a whole new direction. By following up on a minor plot detail in the first (a detail that was completely ignored in the US remake), this standard but chilling zombie flick becomes a demonic thriller a la Prince of Darkness. I was happy as the front end of a human centipede that we got to screen this off a glorious 35mm print this August.

Bonus: Splice

I finally caught this fantastic creature feature late in 2010, and loved it. Like an art house version of Species, Splice kept the gore red and the sex ample, yet had some very eloquent warnings about the dangers of science going too far. It preached the old “don’t play God” lesson without being preachy. Kudos to the KNB team for a great creature – a mix of practical makeup and CGI that I hope will be remembered come Oscar season, and extra kudos to awards darling Adrien Brody for taking on this and three other genre films this year (Predators, The Experiment, and the unfortunate Giallo).

Honourable mentions: Predators, Night of the Demons, House of the Devil, Black Death

The Shitheap:

Suicide Girls Must Die

They can’t all be winners, as we discovered when we screened this in June. A slasher flick with naked, tattooed chicks as victims should have been a no-brainer. Instead, it was a film programmer’s lesson on why you should always get a screener first. The filmmakers couldn’t decide if they wanted to make a legitimate slasher or a promotional video for the website. Skimping on the gore didn’t help either. And none of them even die at the end! That shit worked for April Fools Day because the characters were somewhat endearing. When you bill your film as Suicide Girls Must Die, then subject the audience to 90 minutes of exposition without any payoff... well that’s a hand job without a happy ending.

Nightmare on Elm Street

The genius casting of Jackie Earle Haley in the role of Freddy couldn’t save this piss stained mattress of a film. In fact, Haley seemed to be the only one to care about this tepid remake. Apparently the producers went to director Samuel Bayer three times to make this film. And it shows. Bayer not only sleepwalks through this flick, he downright denigrates the originals. I’ve heard him in interviews say that he felt the original’s dream sequences were uninspired. Yet with a huge FX budget at his disposal, he pisses away any opportunity to be frightening. Despite the fact that they were milking the original series to death, at least New Line tried to keep each installment somewhat fresh. With the remake, we got the answer to the question “How the fuck can you make a Freddy movie boring?”

The Wolfman

Well, i gotta admit that i stayed away from a lot of the shit this year, so my worst list is relatively light. The Wolfman probably falls more into the “biggest disappointment” category. Man... I really wanted to like this film. The transformation scenes were pretty decent (although the best transformation since American Werewolf in London is in Trick ‘r’ Treat), the film was atmospheric and moody, and Anthony Hopkins was a hoot to watch onscreen. Why did it fail? Upon viewing the original, I realized what made it – and other transformation movies like Cronenberg’s The Fly – so resonant. Lon Chaney Jr.’s Larry Talbot is a nice guy cursed with being a monster. You like the guy... he’s got that hang dog face and natural charm that makes the ladies want to date him and the dudes want to sling beers with him. There’s a horror to watching a nice guy become a beast against his will. In the remake, Benicio Del Toro’s Talbot is an asshole from start to finish. In fact, he’s less of a mopey arrogant dick as a wolf. Whether that’s a fault of Del Toro or the screenplay, it makes for a less engaging film.

Favourite Non-Horror Films of 2010:

Toy Story 3

The scene where the toys, nearly meeting their demise, hold hands for what they think could be the last time, is as harrowing, heart warming, and Oscar-worthy a scene as any of the usual arthouse awards bait. If this film doesn’t get a best picture nomination the voters should be relegated to the “old toys home”.

Jackass 3D

Whoever thought a 3 foot vertical shit, dildos fired from air cannons, and a homemade “helicockter” could outdo Avatar? Jackass 3D used Cameron’s technology to its fullest, and showed that unless you use 3D to make your movie more fun, you’re just gouging the audience for an extra three bucks.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Although it was unfavorably compared to The Hangover, the team of John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Cordry and Clark Duke were funnier and more likeable than their Vegas counterparts. A perfect ode to the 80’s – reverential and retro without feeling out of date, the film even manages to poke fun at some of Cusack’s early work. And Cordry steals the show like no one else did in 2010.

The Social Network

I was on the fence about this one, but at the end of the day only David Fincher could take something as dull sounding as the creation of Facebook and make it as engaging as a heist film, as volatile as a gangster flick, and as hyperkinetic as an action movie. And believe it or not, Justin Timberlake is actually very good in this. But really, why this is on my list? The score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Finch. The fact that we may see Mr. Nine Inch Nail onstage at the Oscars is one of the finest achievements of the year.

Inception

Sure, it’s overrated somewhat (see the South Park episode), and it suffers from a gaping plothole (why didn’t Cobb just have his Dad fly the kids to France?), but Inception turned out to be one of those films I could watch over and over again. Special note to Joseph Gordon Levitt, who, if Nolan ever has the balls to replace Heath Ledger, is the only choice for me in the role of the Joker. Hearing Hans Zimmer’s bombastic (and now iconic) score on the big screen didn’t hurt either.

The A-Team

I loved this show when I was a runt, so I thoroughly expected to be disappointed by the film. But kudos to Joe Carnahan for getting it right and assembling a cast with enough chemistry to shine through the bombastic ridiculousness of this big budget action flick. Sharlto Copley as Howlin’ Mad Murdock steals this one. (and kudos to the art direction Mr. Gallagher!

Black Christmas remake love bitches!

2010-12-25T03:25:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here at 3AM watching one of my favorite christmas films - and one of my guilty pleasure horror flicks - Black Christmas. Not the Bob Clark original. The 2006 remake. Yes all you hateful bitches, I love the remake. I love it better than the original. In fact, I'll be so sacrilegious as to say I thought the original was... well... a bit dull. John Carpenter did a much better job of Black Christmas with his Halloween (which incidentally was supposed to be a sequel to Clark's film). The remake is much better paced, has some very creative gore gags, and doesn't take itself too seriously. It has a wicked sense of humor that was sorely lacking in the original.

The plot? Pretty much the same. Billy Lenz escapes from the asylum and stalks a bunch of sorority girls living in the house where he once committed his ghastly deeds. Much deadness ensues. What did they improve on? Well, the first was all tension and mood, which when done right has a heavy impact. Mood and tension are definitely lost here. But director Glen Morgan (an X-Files alum) replaces the tension with gore and humor. Seriously, there's a lot of fun grue in this flick. There's stabbings aplenty, impalements, strangulations, fleshy gingerbread cookies, scalpings by ice skate, and enough eye trauma to make Lucio Fulci proud.

Also, as mentioned before, the flick has a great sense of humor. Sure, unlike the '74 BC, its hard to like any of these sorority bitches (except Andrea Martin, who starred in the original and cameos here) but that makes their deaths all the more enjoyable. Plus, they take a creative approach to the use of cell phones. In most modern horror flicks, the use - or uselessness - of cell phones is usually explained by "oh, no service" or some other lame excuse. In this movie, not only do cell phones work, but they are used by the killer to stalk and torment his prey. In the original, Billy made a few crank calls to the house's old rotary. In the remake, Billy steals each victim's cell and uses them to terrify and confuse each new target. Sure, there are other plot holes, but the fact that the producers dealt with a common horror cliche in such a creative manner was refreshing.

The film is not without its flaws. In typical remake fashion, they spend way too much time giving the killer a backstory to explain his motives. Couldn't we just leave it at "Billy went nuts and killed his family"? Instead, the producers felt it necessary to tack on a whole abusive mom angle. Plus there's a whole incest scene i could have done without. In a film with, for the most part, a great sense of black humor, the family drama felt out of place.

Also, once nice thing about the original was that they kept the killer hidden for the most part. Just like his origin story, we see way too much of Billy for him to be as menacing as he was in the '74 version.

But these are minor flaws in a great no-brains, popcorn munching, dumb-ass yuletide horror flick. If you've always wanted to decorate your x-mas tree with guts and eyeballs, this is the perfect seasonal treat for you. Pop this on with Santa Slay and rot your brain.

As our Bad Santa Kyle would say, "HO HO MOTHERFUCKIN HO!" Happy Horrordays y'all!

NHL Dopplegangers

2010-05-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

Not really horror-related, but food for thought: is Jordan Staal a Klopek?

oh and also...

3D Gimmicks and A-Hole Grifters

2010-04-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

So this weekend Clash of the Titans made an estimated $61.2 million across North America. For genre fans like us, this should be a good thing - so why am I so apprehensive? I haven't seen the film yet, but the consensus from the majority of the critics is that while its a decent enough movie, the 3D is fucking atrocious. Here's what the New York Times Mahnola Dargis had to say:

"The 3D in the Clash of the Titans remake, which was added after it was shot, has none of the immersive quality of Avatar and instead segments the image into discrete planes, bringing to mind the unintegrated levels of a pop-up book."

A pop-up book. For an extra five fucking bucks per ticket. Now that Clash and Alice in Wonderland, both using the "post" 3D conversion, have made millions, the fear is that every film will now be pushed through a crappy conversion just to con you from your hard-earned cash. Could we be seeing crap like "Sex in the City 3D" soon? Jesus horse-fucking christ, imagine the thought of Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Catrall's old asses in IMAX 3D - that's one scary flick.

Despite the impressive tech wizardry of Avatar, 3D is ultimately a gimmick. If Hollywood wants to keep people in theatres, it needs to go William Castle and embrace the gimmickry. Why was 3D so successful in the 1950s? Because it was used by real showmen to give their audiences a new experience. And why did it die out? Because Hollywood over-saturated the market with cheap-ass 3D films. Same with the 3D resurgence of the 1980's. And with Alice and Titans, it's happening again - studio execs taking a great idea and running the fucker into the ground.

Thankfully, a few horror filmmakers are still embracing the roots of the technology. Patrick Lussier, director of last year's wicked My Bloody Valentine, knows the purpose of 3D - to THROW SHIT AT THE AUDIENCE. As great as an immersive three dimensional environment can be, at the end of the day we go to 3D flicks to duck, bob, and scream as shit flies at our heads. Lussier is following up MBV with a new Nic Cage flick called Drive Angry, a violent, supernatural car chase thriller. While the prospect of Cage's hair in 3D is frightening, Lussier is shooting the film in 3D, not post converting. Chatting with MTV, Lussier said:

"No, none of that post-conversion crap. This is totally shot in 3-D. We have 3-D cameras out from Paradise FX, which are working brilliantly. We're shooting 3-D every day. We're watching all our 3-D effects on every single shot as we shoot."

So what can you, the horror fan do? Like any good consumer, just keep yourself informed. Sites like Ain't It Cool News, Shock Till You Drop. Dread Central, etc. will give you the straight-up on whether a film is worth that extra fiver or not. And while this new 3D trend may just be another fad, just like in the 50's and 80's, let's hope that guys like Lussier can still crank out eye-popping films that do exactly what 3D should do - make us shit our pants.

Speaking of gimmicks, April 17 is when we're presenting our next DEDsploitation event at Metro Cinema - our first double bill! Before Stripes, Ghostbusters, and Groundhog Day, Ivan Reitman dabbled in the world of horror and exploitation with his 1973 film CANNIBAL GIRLS. It stars a couple of faces familiar to fans of comedy - Eugene Levy and Andrea Martin - playing newlyweds whose vacation plans take a turn for the grisly when their car breaks down in the small town of Farnharnville. The town's population? Three gorgeous women with an insatiable hunger for raw flesh!

Tits, ass and gore... we could ask for no more!! For the more sensitive viewers, Mr. Reitman has equipped the film with a warning bell system. When the bell rings, the gore begins! Watch the on-screen carnage at your own risk! BEWARE THE CANNIBAL GIRLS!!

and as a special treat, before the feature we present:

TRAILER APOCALYPSE!!!
All the way from London, Ontario comes the nastiest, raunchiest, most riot-inducing and retina-melting assemblage of Grindhouse trailers ever handled by human hands!!

DEDsploitation Cinema, VAGRANCY FILMS, and MAPLE-SCHNITZEL FILM INVESTORS GROUP proudly present "TRAILER APOCALYPSE"!!!! The Cinematic Equivalent to the Mix Tape!

Join us as we unspool four reels of Grindhouse depravity... packed to the brim with Vampire Vixens, Kissin' Cousins, Italian Zombies, slashers, flashers and degenerates of all kinds! From soft core porn to hard core gore, TRAILER APOCALYPSE will take you through a tour of the 60's, 70's and 80's most bizarre and extreme exploitation films ever made. Over 30 + Grindhouse, Sex, Horror, and Trash movies - 3 minutes at a time! This is the show your mother warned you about!

I got a chance to hang with the guys from Vagrancy when I was in Toronto for the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear, and let me tell you, they're crazy fuckers! I can't wait to show all you sick fucks in Edmonton what these even sicker fucks in Hamilton have cooked up for you.

The reel is so notorious, our own film classification board had to screen it!

Join us on Saturday April 17 for our double bill of debauchery! TRAILER APOCALYPSE starts at 7PM, CANNIBAL GIRLS starts at 9PM. As always, the lovely Gabe and Kyle from Filthy McNasty's will be slinging booze.

And for the kiddies, sorry but the event is rated R - no one under 18 is allowed.

NEW BLOG BITCHES!!

2010-03-23T11:42:00.001-07:00

Hi Gang!

After a lengthy absence, and due to a bout of (temporary) unemployment, I'm back in the blogging saddle. At least for now, until I run out of topics or you get sick of my ass.

Lets just get right into it... there's a shitload of events to cap off the month of March. First off...

NEAR DARK! If you're not familiar with this movie, all you need to know is that it's the first solo directorial effort from this year's Academy Award Winner for Best Director, (the uber hot) Kathryn Bigelow. Plus, its a vampire movie that doesn't involve shirtless, poncing, sparkly models from Details magazine pretending to be creatures of the night. The vamps in this one are of the freaky, southern-fried drifter variety - stone cold killers. As an added bonus, 1/3 of the cast of Aliens are featured.

Don't miss out on a rare 35mm screening of this horror classic, this Friday, March 26, 9PM at Metro Cinema. Tickets are only $10 and available at the box office. We'll have prizes to give away, and as always, drinks will be provided by Filthy McNasty's (where good people do bad things!).

Then on Saturday, we've got not one, but two events involving sexy, kickass girls. Whet your appetite for destruction with the Alberta Six Pack Roller Derby match, where the girls of Eville will take on Calgary in not one, but THREE matches.

The girls will be hitting the track at 6PM, but before that, you can check out Eville's new junior team, showing off their moxie at 5:45. There will be plenty of vendors on hand, and even a wrestling demonstration at halftime!

Tickets are available at all Happy Harbor Comics locations, Megatunes on Whyte Ave, NABI in St Albert, online at rollergirl.ca or email info@e-villederby.com. Tickets are $10 in advance or $15 at the door. Kids 10 and under are FREE

If you haven't satisfied your blood lust by then, head on over to the Starlite Room for the return of Demonika's Symphony of Horrors! I had the chance to see this last year and it was burlesque at its most fucked-uppedness. Fire, blood, and boobs galore! From their event page:

The Greatest Show UNEARTHED! Featuring:
DJ Greg Gory, Artists, Side Show Acts, Burlesque, Death Defying Stunts, Acrobatics, Gods Girls, The Hottest Underground Women & Men, Contortionists, Avant-Guarde Fashion, Fetish Expositions, Hoop & Belly Dancing, The Undead Army & SO SO SO MUCH MORE!!! Over 25 acts covering everything from A - Z!

Held at Edmonton's very own, STARLIGHT ROOM!
March 27th 2010
DOORS @ 9 - SHOW @ 10:00 SHARP! This is one event where you want to arrive early and dressed to IMPRESS!!!

Tickets are $20 advance at: Blackbyrd Myoozik (10442 82 Avenue) & Brixx Bar & Grill
OR at the door for $25 (first come, first served)! These tickets sell FAST, so get them as soon as you can!!

DRESS:
Undead, Rubber, Leather, Vinyl/PVC, Gothic, Fetish, Glam, Cyber, Erotic, Kinky, Drag, Sexy, Uniforms, Victorian, Formal, metal, costumed... the point is, pull out all the stops and turn some heads! This is the place to express yourself - FULL FORCE! Leave your inhibitions at the door!!!

Prizes for best sexiest outfit, best undead costume and tons more! Prizes ALL NIGHT LONG!!!

Horrible Threads!

2009-11-25T23:15:00.000-08:00

Hey gang!

Quick note... Those spooky ladies from Mars & Venus wanted to remind everyone who received the skull coupon at the Dead Snow screening to come visit the shop and save save save. Buy something for yourself or use it towards a holiday gift. New stuff arriving daily. Coupon is good only until Dec 1!! Pop by Mars and Venus... the best store in Edmonton for your horror-related threads and gear.

And in case you didn't get one:

Turkey Shoot: FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!

2009-10-26T10:19:00.003-07:00

Shopping for costumes stressing you out? Let off a little steam and have some fun with FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!

This Warhol produced cult-classick is screening in 35mm for one night only! With live commentary from two of Edmonton's funniest film connaisseurs!

15 minutes of fame? Try 2 hours of crap! This 1970’s vintage 3-D horror extravaganza contains the classic line “To know death, Otto, you have to f**k life... in the gall bladder!” It’s well known that Dave Clarke has patterned his acting career after the work of Udo Kier, and Jeff Page is intrigued by any film that has a character named Nicholas, the stableboy. Say, boys and girls, let's shoot a turkey for Halloween!

October 28 @ 8PM at Metro Cinema!

http://www.metrocinema.org/film_view/2260/

Turkey Shoot: FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!

2009-10-26T10:19:00.001-07:00

http://www.metrocinema.org/film_view/2260/

Strigoi!

2009-09-28T13:35:00.001-07:00

Hey gang! If, like myself, you simply can't wait until October 15 for DEDfest: Deadmonton's Horror Fest, check out some of the cool new genre flicks at this week's Edmonton International Film Fest.

Tonight, we have a quirky vampire comedy from England called Strigoi. From the EIFF website:

"STRIGOI is a Vampire movie that defies categorization. Shedding a fantastic light on a post-communist Romanian village, the film introduces us to an ancient myth: Strigoi – the souls that rise again after death to seek justice if they’ve been wronged, their appetites intensified by a hunger for blood. Vlad (Catalin Paraschiv) investigates a mysterious death in his grandfather’s village that raises questions about land ownership in the community. The trail points to ex-communist bully, Constantin Tirescu, and his wife. But when Vlad confronts them, he discovers that the richest landowners in the village have become real bloodsuckers!"

Strigoi won the gold medal for Best Independent Feature at this year's Toronto After Dark Film Fest, so don't miss it's Edmonton premiere! Also, director Faye Jackson will be in attendance!

The Iggy Dead

2009-09-16T15:26:00.000-07:00

Why am I posting an old Iggy Pop video from the '80's? It was brought to my attention my the Lascivious Lisa Ladouceur on Rue Morgue Radio that the video was directed by none other than Sam Raimi. You can definitely see his touch here. Plus, Iggy is cool as shit (although I'm not sure about the chainmail tank top).

"What's wrong with chainmail?"

Ripley's Horrible Facts! Plus Burlesque, Luchadors, and more!

2009-09-14T12:35:00.001-07:00

...unavailable for comment:

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In other news, the lovely ladies of Lascivious Burlesque are joining forces with the Luchador Lothario El Superbeasto! This Thursday, September 17th, DEDfest presents a gory, sexy, bloody fine evening featuring Lascivious Burlesque live... AND included in your ticket price is a special advance screening of Rob Zombie's new animated flick "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto"! Based on his comic series, "Beasto" features the voices of Sheri Moon Zombie, Rosario Dawson, Brian Poehsn, "Faster Pussycat's" Tura Satana, Bill Moseley and Sid Haig from "The Devil's Rejects", and Paul Giamatti. Yes, Academy Award nominee Paul Giamatti.

And in keeping with the Zombie theme, the girls have told me they're laying on the gore, grue and blood for a frighteningly seductive dance of the undead! This promises to be a burlesque show the likes of which Edmonton has never seen!

Tickets are $15 and are available at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte (780.433.0600), and through Lascivious Burlesque (LasciviousBurlesque@yahoo.ca). Doors are at 8, movie at 8:30, and Lascivious after the film.Presented by DEDfest: Hellberta's Horror Festival! Go to http://www.dedfest.com/ for more details.

Horror-rock at Folk Fest 2010?

2009-08-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

The city is raving about the 2009 Folk Fest like it was the second coming of Jeebus – and by all accounts (and judging from Steve Earle’s beard) it just might have been. While the Dedmontonian’s musical proclivities tend to lean towards Motorhead, Pantera and Rob Zombie, I have been known to partake of an evening or two of Folk Fest in the past. So in light of their success for their 30th anniversary, I’m going to look forward to 2010 and suggest to Mr. Terry Wickham an act that would bridge the gap between the folkies and the horror nuts like me: Roky Erickson.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with his work, I would best describe his sound – well, as best as a my addled mind can describe – as a darker version of Tom Petty. Many of Erickson’s songs, such as “I Walked with a Zombie”, “Two Headed Dog (Red Temple Prayer)”, and “Night of the Vampire”, feature supernatural or horror themes.

Unfortunately, Erickson suffered from Schizophrenia, and in the late 60’s and early 70’s he was in and out of a string of mental hospitals in his native Texas. It was after that when Erickson adopted a heavier sound, and began incorporating horror and sci-fi elements into his music. Despite some amazing albums in the 80’s, Erickson’s mental health took a turn for the worse, and his creative output dwindled.

Thankfully, in 2001 Henry Rollins and Roky’s brother Sumner pulled him out of his slump. Sumner gained legal custody of his brother, established a trust fund, and proceeded to sort out all the legal tanglings that had left Roky penniless. Now Erickson is receiving proper medical care and is currently working on a new album with ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons, and he’s been a fixture on the live music scene in Austin for the past few years now. In fact, he just played at this year’s SXSW festival.

Here’s one of my favourite Roky tunes – imagine this song being performed at Gallagher park with ominous storm clouds a-brewin’. Terry, please bring this guy here!

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One more festival - the last of the summer - wraps this weekend. Our annual Fringe Festival ends Sunday, and there's a few plays you horror fiends shouldn't miss.

For the Love of a Zombie is a funny, Ed Wood-vibed Zombedy with two shows left:

August 21 7:00 pm

August 22 4:30 pm

The show's at #1 Westbury Theatre (TransAlta Arts Barn).

Also, Dr. Frankenfurter squeezes into his latex for only three more shows:

August 21st- Friday- 7:30 PM

August 22nd- Saturday- 7:30 PM

August 23rd- Sunday- 8 PM

Catch Frank, Riff Raff, and the rest of the gang at New City Suburbs on Jasper Ave!

And lastly, the boys at Mostly Water Theatre (who entertained the crowds at last year's Deadmonton Horror Festival with their short film "Gaylien") are wrapping up their new show "Wetware", which runs every night at 6pm (until Sunday) at Filthy McNasty's.

ZOMBIES AT THE FRINGE!

2009-08-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

If there’s one thing The Dedmontonian can’t resist, it’s the idea of zombies being somewhere they really shouldn’t be. Every year at the Fringe Festival there are a number great plays, but there are also a lot of bad ones – highbrow, pretentious, artsy-fartsy, angst-ridden, experimental, and one-man/woman shows (seriously folks, I saw a play two years ago where it took me the show’s entire 40 minute run to figure out that the junkie character was actually supposed to be a fucking cat).

But praise Romero, this year the zombie infection has spread to the realm of live theatre! The carrier: “For the Love of a Zombie” – a new horror-comedy from the Accidental Humour Company. The story involves a batch of “organic” fertilizer that accidentally gets spilled at a quiet farm, raising the dead and unearthing the sordid secrets of the farm’s inhabitants.

I’ve seen some clips from the 1950’s Ed Wood-inspired multimedia components of this show, and they’re funny as hell. And I give mad props to any project that uses the theremin!

Here’s some clips and photos:

The show runs at the Fringe on the following dates:

August 15 8:45 pm – 9:45 pm

August 16 2:15 pm – 3:15 pm

August 18 11:30 pm – 12:30 am

August 20 12:15 pm – 1:15 pm

August 21 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm

August 22 4:30 pm – 5:30 pm

The venue will be #1 the Westbury Theatre, also known as the TransAlta Arts Barns. For more information, go to http://zombies.brentfelzien.ca/

TICKETS ON SALE NOW. Visit http://tickets.fringetheatre.ca/ to book/buy online!

RIPLEY'S VAULT OF TERROR!!!

2009-07-30T08:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a new feature I hope to keep bringing to you throughout the year - an horrific little taste of the world of Ripley! No, not Sigourney Weaver... Robert Ripley, creator of the "Ripley's Believe It Or Not!" empire.

I got myself a little slice of that magic - my Ripley's page-a-day calendar! Every day has at least one new fact that would make Jack Palance spin in his grave - or at least do a few zombie one-armed push-ups.

Here's one I thought was particularly creepy:

Awwww cute... they kinda look like Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, don't they?

And for those of you that are too young to get my Jack Palance reference:

Gruesome news...

2009-07-29T08:27:00.000-07:00

Here's a gruesome news story out of the US:

Police in US say fetus was cut from womb of woman found slain; fetus missing, could survive

By The Associated Press
WORCESTER, Massachusetts - A pregnant woman was found dead in her apartment with her fetus cut from her womb, and police on Wednesday were trying to find the missing baby, which they said could have survived.

Authorities said 23-year-old Darlene Haynes was about eight months pregnant and the child would have needed immediate medical attention to survive.

The exact cause of Haynes' death had not been determined Tuesday, but Detective Capt. Edward J. McGinn Jr. said the autopsy indicated Haynes suffered head injuries.
Her body was found Monday by her landlord, William Thompson, who told WCVB-TV that a "horrifying smell" led him to Haynes' bedroom, where he found her body wrapped in bedding in a closet. Police said the victim had apparently been dead for several days, and that she hadn't contacted family or friends since Thursday.

Officials say Haynes also has a 1-year-old daughter who is safe with relatives.
Police said Tuesday that they had interviewed the father of Haynes daughter, Roberto Rodriguez.

Haynes had a restraining order against Rodriguez, who allegedly pushed her into a glass table in June and cut her arm, then grabbed her by the throat and slapped her, the Telegram&Gazette of Worcester reported, citing court records.

Court records also showed Rodriguez was charged with hitting Haynes in 2008 in a case that was continued without a finding.

In June, Haynes described the 24-year-old Rodriguez as her boyfriend of several years. Her landlord said Rodriguez moved out of the apartment last month.

In an interview with WCVB, Rodriguez said Haynes was "a nice girl."

"She had her problems, you know, but nobody deserves to go (through) what she went through," he said.
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Jeeeeesus.

Maybe they should be looking for this woman:

The Return of the Living Dedmontonian

2009-07-28T08:01:00.000-07:00

I’m baaaaaack fuckers! It’s been a while (one notoriously misogynistic Black puppet and one parade later), but I’ve reanimated myself to chaw down on our city’s collective brain.

First off, head over to our less-decrepit cousin The Edmontonian where I address the fate of the former Deadmonton Horror Festival. Horror film fans WILL get their fix this October!

Next, a big thank you to all you perverts who came to our screening of Black Devil Doll on July 11. We got our asses handed to us by UFC, but you loyal few who came out made it worthwhile for us to do this kind of shit. For those who didn’t make it, was seeing Brock Lesnar’s smug mug really worth missing 80 minutes of crude humour and big jugs?

We did have a bit of controversy regarding our event posters, which, while not the most tasteful of ads, certainly didn’t merit phone calls to the police. Folks, the police are there to keep bad guys at bay, not as judges of bad taste. If you call them over stupid shit, they lose precious time they need to keep crooks off your streets and protect your property and your lives. Next time you’re offended, write a letter to the paper.

Thirdly, yours truly, the Dedmontonian, had the privilege of joining the motley collection of ghouls, zombies, pumpkinheads, psycho clowns, and hearses at this year’s Capital Ex parade. The dEdmonton crew entered a wonderfully wicked – and somewhat controversial – float in what can sometimes be a pretty drab parade (c’mon, a group of office workers in matching polo shirts holding a banner for their company is NOT a parade float). The Dedmontonian loves stirring shit up, and at the parade, we stirred shit up in true grave-churning style. Thanks to the wonderfully receptive crowds for all their support.

Our motley procession.

This guy seemed nice.

Lastly, stay tuned to the DEDfest page – we’re currently under construction, so sometimes we won’t look very pretty, but we’ll have some wicked news to share with you soon.

Until then, here's to seeing you more often.

DED

Metallica and Crazy Russian Scientists

2009-07-09T10:04:00.000-07:00

Hola, bastardos locos!

Quick reminder - the Black Devil Doll is coming! This Saturday, July 11th at the Pawn Shop (10549-82 Ave), we present the CANADIAN PREMIERE of The Most Offensive Movie Ever Made - BLACK DEVIL DOLL! Tickets are $12, are going fast, and are available through Kevin "JD's Revenge" Martin at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte (780.433-0600). We've seen the film - it WILL offend and it WILL make you laugh your ass off.

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For like, the fourteenth day in a row, I've tuned into a certain ursine-monikered radio station at drive time and heard Metallica's "Day That Never Comes". I get it, Mr. Programming Manager - the song is heavy but easily digestible for the Nickelprick crowd. But why their follow-up single, "All Nightmare Long" hasn't got one stitch of airplay baffles me. Not only is it a return to the classic Metallica of "Creeping Death", it has one fucked-up, creepy video as well (posted below).

The "plot" of the video has to do with crazy Russkie scientists, experimentation, reanimation, and some evil little worm thing that came from Tunguska. Guitarist Kirk Hammett initially claimed that a big chunk of the vids footage came from an old vintage film reel he acquired on their Russian tour. The claim was later revealed to be bullshit to drum up publicity for the video, but its a cool story nonetheless. The vid evokes some of those freaky real films from the 1950s where Russian biologists were doing weird shit like sewing two heads on one dog. Although some deny the authenticity of those old films, I recently read Mary Roach's Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers in which one of her interviewees, a scientist working on head transplant (?) research, claimed those films were real and that, in fact, scientists in the former Soviet Republic are STILL doing freaky shit like that to this day.

Rosie Greer approves. Anyways, here's the video:

And here's some links to articles on Russian head transplant experimentation. Warning: the vids are pretty disturbing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-426765/TV-programme-reveals-REAL-Frankensteins.html

http://redshiftblue.wordpress.com/2008/08/12/the-x-files-medical-science-a-head-of-its-time/

Guest Blog on The Edmontonian - Edmonton Horror Flicks

2009-07-03T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hey gang!

The folks over at The Edmontonian (that's me minus the D) asked me to do a guest blog. SUCKERS.

Anyways, here's the spawn of that unholy union:
http://theedmontonian.com/?p=981#more-981

In Honor of "Piranha" - Top Six Sick Summer Flicks!

2009-07-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

There’s been a shitload of net chatter lately regarding the 3D remake of Joe Dante’s nature-gone-amok B-movie “Piranha”. And from what early set pics have shown, the buzz may be justified. So far, we’ve seen scores of bikini clad extras (some in various states of mastication), cool pre-viz of the fish, and the buff-as-fuck Elizabeth Shue. With a top-notch director like Alexandre Aja at the helm, and the 3D element, and we may be in for one gory, bloody, fishy good time in 2010. My only beef: although I can’t wait to see this movie, I’m kinda wishing they’d bump it from its March release and schedule it for mid May. This has the potential to be a big summer blockbuster.

Here’s some of the aforementioned pics:

So in honour of the potential greatness that may be Piranha 3D, here’s a little list for you:

Top Six Sick Summer Flicks

Horror movies are pretty much synonymous with Halloween, but the great thing about our beloved genre is that there are sick flicks for all seasons! So with the temperature rising and the days getting longer, I thought I’d list some of my favourite summertime fright fests. After your ball game, barbecue, patio beer, or garden implement murder spree, pop one of these seasonal treats in your DVD player:

1. Jaws (1976)
Plot in a nutshell: a fucking shark eats people, Robert Shaw.

Summer, beaches, bikinis (albeit 70’s swimsuits – I shudder to think of the bush underneath – the shark must have been picking his teeth for days) and of course, sharks… Spielberg’s masterpiece not only defined the nature-gone-amok genre, it also holds the distinction of being the first summer blockbuster. And I’m still amazed they got away with a PG rating.

2. Friday the 13th parts 1-7, Remake (1980-2008)
Plot in a nutshell: a psycho/zombie in a hockey mask kills summer camp counsellors, Ron “Horshack” Palillo.

I’m not counting “…takes Manhattan”, “Jason X”, or “Freddy vs. Jason” because none of those capture the summer camp feel of the first 7. There’s talk of the next F13 (the sequel to the remake of the reimagining of the… ah fuck I’ve lost track) seeing Jason wreak bloody havoc in a snowy setting. Note to Platinum Dunes: do you know why no-one’s ever set a Jason flick in winter? Chicks don’t skinny dip in winter! Part of the charm of this series lies not just with the creative violence, but with the ample nudity as well. Nothing says “summertime” quite like perky tits and bloody cleavings. They go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

3. The Burning (1981)
Plot in a nutshell: See above. Substitute hideously burned face for hockey mask. Add Jason Alexander (with hair), Fisher Stevens and Holly Hunter.
One of the first rip-offs of Friday the 13th, this summer camp slasher is notable for its cast of future stars, for being the Weinsteins’ first film, and for Tom Savini’s amazing and groundbreaking gore FX. This film also stands out from the pack by actually having likeable characters and some decent dialogue. Plus, if you’re like me and can’t forgive Fisher Stevens for his dogshit performance in Hackers, then seeing him get his digits lopped off by old Cropsy feels like sweet revenge.

4. Uncle Sam (1997)
Plot in a nutshell: Murderous, zombified gulf war vet goes on a 4th of July vengeance spree against his town’s hippies and draft dodgers. Break out the fireworks, baby!

This fun, underrated gem comes from Maniac director William Lustig and Q: The Winged Serpent’s Larry Cohen, and stars genre vets Ken Foree, Bo Hopkins, PJ Soles, and Robert Forster. And it’s got Isaac fucking Hayes! Although the beginning is slow-paced, and the film’s attempt at a social commentary (addressing topics like misplaced patriotism and post traumatic stress syndrome) doesn’t quite gel, once the inventive kills get going, the film kicks into high gear. Uncle Sam, I salute you!

5. The Lost Boys (1987)
Plot in a nutshell: punky, dirt-bike-riding vamp pretty boys try to recruit soon-to-be-reality star Corey Haim and his older brother.

I was lucky enough to catch this in the theatre the day it came out. Although a bit dated in parts, it still remains a classic. Kiefer was at his most pre-Jack Bauer badassiness, the Corey’s were not only tolerable, but funny (but what the fuck was with the Rob Lowe poster in your room, Sam?), and there was ample gore and bloodshed to keep us freaks enthralled. It’s worth noting that an R-rated flick featuring a young cast of teen heartthrobs would never get made in today’s greedy studio regime. And the seaside setting – complete with my one weakness: CARNIVALS – makes this one of my favourite summer-themed movies.

According to Kev at the lobby, the sequel sucks hind tit.

6. The Funhouse (1981)
Plot in a nutshell: Stoner Teens sneak into midway funhouse for overnight boinking session, but get stalked by mutant fuckface carnie and his grimy dad.
Speaking of carnivals, this is the mother of all carnival movies. I can’t go a single summer without at least taking one walk through the midway and going into at least one haunted house, so for me, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse is damned near the perfect psycho summer treat. With its creepy carnies, mutants, and animatronic beasties, this flick harkens back to a time when carnivals were a more thrilling, chilling, and edgy than their modern-day counterparts. Can’t wait to see what Eli Roth does with this one.

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!

2009-07-01T23:25:00.001-07:00

More MJ Shit...

2009-06-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

Between Larry King Live, Nancy Grace, and pretty much every media outlet in existence, most of you are probably sick as lupus of hearing about the late pop-genius-creepy-bastard Michael Jackson. But in my surfing adventures, I found a long forgotten project MJ did as sort of a sequel to Thriller. It's called "Ghosts", and the main reason I'm posting it is because it touches on another tragic death: the immeasurable loss last year of the great Stan Winston. Winston directed and created the makeup effects for this short film. Note: in a testament to Winston's brilliance, the role of the fat-ass mayor is played by MJ under a shitload of latex.

So here it is - enjoy.

just 'cause...

2009-06-25T17:24:00.001-07:00

Transformers 2: The Revenge of Michael Bay's Splooge

2009-06-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

The fact that bad movies make it to theatres while some films worthy of a packed house never make it to the big screen, is a travesty. One of those bad movies that's crowding the theatres this weekend is Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen. According to most reviews, director Michael Bay has seemingly lost his mind. For example, two of the new transformers are called Mudflap and Skids, and they are apparently even more offensive a racial stereotype than Jar Jar Binks.

And from what I understand, one of the robots has balls. Testicles. Shiny metal testicles.

But on a rare occasion, a movie can be so bad that it can set a fire under the collective movie reviewing community's ass, angering and inspiring them to write some goddamn hilarious bytes. T2:RotF is such a movie, and here's a few of the winning comments:

Massawyrm, Aintitcool.com:

"...the mistake this film will most likely be forever known for: Mudflap and Skids, the Stepin Fetchbots of the film. It’s as if Michael Bay looked at Jar Jar Binks and said “Oh, fuck no. Really? People find THAT offensive? Fuck that, I’ll show them a fucking stereotype they’ll never fucking forget!” And he does."

"It’s like the script was written in one sitting on a Morphine bender, with the writer nodding in and out of consciousness, thinking that he’d already written what happened in his dreams and simply picking back up where the dream left off."

Dana Stevens, Slate Magazine:

"...the simplest thing Bay could have done to clarify the stakes of the robot wars would be to visually distinguish the robots from one another in some way. Armbands? Shirts and skins? "Hello, My Name Is" stickers?"

Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal:

"Compared to this sequel, the first "Transformers," which was released two years ago, ranks right up there with Kant's "Critique of Pure Reason.""

Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons:

"The male teenage cinematic equivalent of snorting cocaine off a hooker's ass."

Marshall Fine, Hollywood and Fine:

"It finally occurred to me that pyrotechnics are Bay's pornography: massive, fiery money-shots. I hope he had a sufficient supply of tissues in the editing room."

Jenna Busch, JoBlo.com:

"I know they had to get this script in before the writer's strike and that it was really rushed, but did no one proof read this thing? It's like three different people wrote their own version of the film and taped pages together"

Quint, Aintitcool.com:

"We hardly ever get to see any of the robots when they’re not fighting, with the exception of the new ‘bot named Jetfire who should be called the Expositionicon. He’s an old timer that walks with a transformer cane and randomly shits a parachute due to incontinence."

FHM UK:

"It’s like watching a blender for two hours while someone shouts at you. And then the last half an hour is the same, except it’s more like having your head strapped to a washing machine while you watch a blender and someone shouts at you."

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times:

"...a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys."

"The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap. Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. Their appearance looks like junkyard throw-up."

These reviews almost make me wanna see the fucking thing.

Funkenstein!

2009-06-23T13:13:00.000-07:00

In honor of next month's ONE TIME ONLY screening of the most offensive movie ever made, BLACK DEVIL DOLL (July 11 at the Pawn Shop!), here's a collection of Funkenstein videos. MadTV's riffs on Blaxploitation horror flicks are probably some of the funniest shit they've ever done.

Double Feature – Hell Ride / Zombie Strippers

2009-06-22T20:21:00.000-07:00

So I popped in to the local video store expecting to find exactly fuck-all; instead, I found gold. While the rentals were pretty much cleared out, the store put out a shitload of previously viewed DVDs and marked them down to $6.99 each. Figuring $7 bucks is a lot cheaper than my usual accumulation or late fees, and I wouldn’t have to waste gas bringing them back, I snagged a couple of flicks that flew under my radar, but deserved a second look. As a result, I had a grindhouse-y good time with a double bill of the sleaziest flicks of 2008 – Hell Ride and Zombie Strippers.

First up – Hell Ride, a nasty little tribute to all those AIP biker flicks of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, executive produced by Quentin Tarantino and directed and written by, and starring Larry Bishop. Who the fuck is Larry Bishop, you ask? Well, Larry was IN a lot of those old biker flicks from way back (although you wouldn’t know it from looking at him – dude is in his 60s and looks younger than Tarantino). Recently, Bishop had a side-splitting cameo in Kill Bill as Michael Madsen’s strip club boss – the “asshole on an elbow” guy.

So how did this guy with a fairly limited resume land such a sweet gig? Turns out Tarantino was a fan, and after meeting through mutual friends, Quentin and Bishop decided to make a biker flick of their own. And with the Tarantino stamp of approval on the project, some pretty big names jumped on board. In addition to Bishop, the film also stars Madsen, the late David Carradine, Dennis Hopper, and Vinnie Jones, among others. The plot is pretty simple. Bad bikers The 666ers, led by Vinnie, wanna take out the not-so-bad bikers the Victors, led by Bishop. At the same time, the Victors are plotting some nasty revenge against the Sixers for a thirty year old murder. But at the end of the day, this film is about two things: boobs and bikes, and this film has plenty of both.

What the film doesn’t have? Great dialogue and a coherent plot for starters. The dialogue was so overblown in this flick, I couldn’t figure out if Bishop was dead serious or taking the piss. With character names like Pistolero, The Gent, Comanche, and The Deuce, there are times Hell Ride bordered on spoof, then there are times where it seemed to take itself way too seriously. I think the problem is highlighted in the special features, where Bishop states that he didn’t care who liked the movie, but if Quentin didn’t like it, they’d have failed. Well, I sure as shit hope Quentin got a big kick out of it, because it was obvious Bishop was writing for him and no one else.

But as unimpressed as I was initially, something strange happened – by the second half of the flick, I found myself liking Hell Ride despite itself. The boobs got bigger, the bikes got louder, and there wound up being a couple of zingers that roused a chuckle out of me. And maybe I’m just a sucker for gloss, but if a movie is filmed well – and Hell Ride was sweet looking indeed – I can forgive its flaws. Also, the film has a pretty cool, Tarantino-esque soundtrack with some wicked little ditties (among them, one from Canada’s own Neko Case!). By the end of the flick, when Bishop, Madsen, and third amigo Eric Belfour ride off into the sunset, I was digging it. If only this film had some better dialogue and a snappier plot, it might have been a worthy addition to the Grindhouse franchise.

Speaking of Grindhouse, its strange how a movie that had been deemed a flop started a trend of new exploitation-inspired films since its release. Among them: last year’s Zombie Strippers, starring Robert Englund and porn queen Jenna Jameson. The plot? Zombie fuckin’ strippers dude. There’s not much else to know other than Englund is the club owner, Jameson the head undead peeler, and the zombies get naked. This flick’s undead horde aren’t your typical mindless corpses but intelligent (well, for strippers anyways) ghouls using their sex appeal to lure patrons to the champagne room for a little lap munching.

The girls were the best part of the movie – they go from bitchy, insecure vapid strippers to bitchy, insecure, vapid undead strippers, making for some wicked zombie catfights. The filmmakers went for the fun factor with this one, making it as over the top as possible. There’s even a Mexican janitor who goes all Poncho Villa on everyone’s ass towards the end.

Still, the film’s bad (and very shrill) acting, cheesy music, and crappy dialogue make it better viewed on a Metal Monday at Filthy’s with the sound off, subtitles on and some Black Label Society banging in the background. Zombie Strippers and Hell Ride are great party flicks… as long as you don’t pay too much attention to them.

Hell Ride 3/5 Zombie Strippers 2 ½/5

Weekend Shenanigans

2009-06-19T10:58:00.001-07:00

Leprechaun here... YARRR! Time fer the weekend and time fer shenanigans! We got lots of fun and... WHERE'S ME GOLD?? I NEED ME GOLD!! Er, sorry, where was I? Ah yes, the weekend. If it doesn't rain, it pours, and it's pourin' fun tonight! We've got not one, but two great gigs fer yer pleasure this fine Friday!

First off, the lovely lasses from Lascivious Burlesque (who hula'd their fine arses off at our Zombie Luau last week) will be waggling their tassles and showing us the "7 Deadly Sins" tonight at the Starlite Room. Along with these half naked lovelies, the evening will feature our home grown hillbillies The Give'em Hell Boys and The Frolics. Show starts at 9:00 and tickets are $10 advance, $12 at the door.

And at New City Suburbs, The New Jacobin Club will give you the heebie jeebies with their special brand of spooky metal punk! If that wasn't enough to raise the dead, the show also features the sick and twisted talents of the Angry Teeth Freak Show! See them do things to themselves that I usually do to those simperin' fools who try to take MY GOLD! WHERE'S ME GOLD???

Whoops... gettin' a little too excited for me own good. The show at New City starts at 10:00. Until next time, go get pissed, see some boobies or freaks, and find yourself a four leaf clover. But stay away from me gold, or I'll make a boot out of yer nutsack!

Trailer for Park Chan-wook's THIRST

2009-06-18T07:27:00.001-07:00

FUCK TWILIGHT.

A Brief Chat with David Carradine...

2009-06-17T11:05:00.000-07:00

In case you were under a rock this past month, one of the kick-assiest guy’s guys ever to lay a whuppin’ onscreen died. David Carradine, star of Kung Fu, Kill Bill, Death Race 2000, and many more classics of coolness, was found dead in a hotel room in Bangkok under mysterious circumstances.

But I’m not going to focus on how he died. I’ll just remember the brief chat I got to have with him just a few weeks prior to his death. David had been in Edmonton filming a short movie; the producer of the movie had invested in a local bar here in town called Prohibition, so naturally he got David to help christen the new establishment.

I swung by with my copy of Hell Ride, a film that despite the cheese factor still kinda grows on me with each viewing (review coming soon). Carradine had a brief but memorable role in that flick as the main baddie who gets his head chopped off by the good guys. I first encountered David, well, at least his head, at the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear in Toronto at KNB EFX guru Greg Nicotero’s table. Greg, who had done the makeup effects for Hell Ride, had Mr. Carradine’s head on the table with him.

Strangely enough, I would run into that head again months later. I worked in the production office of “Fear Itself”, the short-lived NBC reincarnation of the “Masters of Horror” series. KNB did the makeup and prosthetics for that too, although Greg and Howard Berger did the work out of LA and shipped it up to Edmonton. One day, I happened to stretch my legs and take a walk through the office to the prop department. A jar with a head in it (not an unusual sight in our office) caught my attention – the head was the same white and grey flocked noggin I had posed with back at the FOF. Mr. Carradine’s head had apparently followed me back to Edmonton.

When I got the chance to meet David, I had to tell him the story. I brought the photo along with the DVD, and he graciously signed both, and when I told him the tale of his severed cranium he looked at me with a grin and said “impressive”. I’m not sure if he was impressed by the story or by his globetrotting head, but either way it was a cool moment.

By then the bar was packed to the tits, so I took off to visit friends at another venue. But later on my drive home, I passed Prohibition again. Outside on the street was David, having a smoke and entertaining the crowd. I figured “fuck it”, and I parked and walked back to the bar. This time, away from the noise and loud music, I actually got to talk to him a bit. He was very kind, but a bit of a sly smart ass when he wanted to be. The ladies were trying to flirt with him, but he would always graciously say, with a wink and a smile “I’m a very happily married man”. And he seemed like he meant it. In fact, he even pulled out pictures of his kids for us, and bragged about them at length. It was a rare and cool moment to see a tough guy icon turned into proud papa.

By this point, he was done his smoke and looking to get back to the bocce game inside, so I got a quick pic, bid farewell, and headed home. I’d talked to his people about possibly getting him back here to screen “Death Race 2000” and have him do a Q&A. Sadly, I’ll have to make due with a few brief anecdotes on a patio. Let’s take solace in the thought that somewhere, David’s hanging with Steve McQueen, Bruce Lee, and Elvis, riding dirtbikes and drinking beer.

Cheers, David. Thanks for being one cool motherfucker.

Ghouls Get Lei'd!

2009-06-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

Despite the weather being ungodly hot, 100 of you ghouls dragged your shambling tropical asses to Metro Cinema this past Saturday for our screening of Fulci’s “Zombie”! Thanks to all of you that showed up and supported Edmonton’s Horror scene!

Thanks to the ladies of Lascivious Burlesque for showing us how to Hula! Don’t forget to check out their show on June 19^th - THIS FRIDAY - at The Starlite Room! Also, thanks to our sponsors – Rue Morgue Magazine, Mars & Venus, Atomic Zombie, and Happy Harbour – for contributing to our wicked prize packs. And last but not least, cheers to The Pawn Shop for graciously hosting our after party and to Amber's Brewing Co. for keeping us inebriated during the movie. I’ve got a new jones for your Vampire Maple Ale.

To those that didn’t show up – you owe us one! Actually, you owe it to yourself to come to our July 11^th screening –the first, and so far the ONLY Canadian screening – of the hugely controversial and hilarious blaxploitation riff “Black Devil Doll” at The Pawn Shop.

We’ve had our eyes on this film for a while, and after the positive response at last year’s horror fest, we knew we had to bring it in. And lo and behold, that black militant puppet with a homicidal streak is coming!

Unless you’re of the faint of heart or have a huge stick up your ass, you’re gonna love the murderin’, rapin’, cussin’ exploits of the doll that makes Chucky look like Opie. And what better way to watch “the most offensive movie ever made” than with a rowdy bunch of degenerates like us!

Tickets are $12 and are on sale NOW at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte. Your ticket is also good for our Mothafunkin’ Baaaaadaasss After Party, where DJ Love Shovel will be bustin’ out the funk. Break out the afro wigs, platform shoes, and funky bell bottoms and you could win a prize for best pimp and ho of the evening!

WARNING: TRAILER NSFW!

Fulci's "Zombie" gets some love

2009-06-11T09:53:00.001-07:00

Yes, I am a whore - shamelessly whoring out this weekend's ZOMBIE LUAU featuring our 35mm presentation of "Zombie". But man, I can't wait to share the demented genius of Mr. Fulci the way it was meant to be seen - on a big screen.

In case you're still not convinced that it's going to be a helluva good time (and a great way to cool of for a few hours - Saturday is expected to hit 29 degrees celcius), here are a couple of new reviews:

SEE Magazine:

http://www.seemagazine.com/article/screen/screen-review/zombie0611/

"Zombie (also known variously as Zombie Flesh Eaters, Zombie Island, Island of the Living Dead, Zombi 2, and Woodoo) is absolutely indefensible as art, but as an exercise in old-school, down-and-dirty, entrail-munching grindhouse cinema, it’s damned hard to beat. Fulci uses his makeup effects sparingly but he gets the most mileage he can out of every single one of them. These zombies don’t just bite people; they rip long, juicy strips of flesh right off the bone. Worms spill from mouths and eye sockets, skulls explode in a shower of watermelon-esque brain matter, blood pours copiously out of slack zombie jaws and down zombie chins ... and wandering through it all is, of all people, Tisa Farrow, whose physical and vocal resemblance to her older sister Mia makes the film occasionally seem like a berserk cousin to Hannah and Her Sisters."

...and Vue Weekly:

http://www.vueweekly.com/article.php?id=12202

"Even if you've already seen it, re-watching Zombie in an enclosed space projected from its richest source should likely charge the experience with the thrills intended for an audience 30 years earlier. As time passes, we get the chuckles over imagining the frames of mind that came to both make the film and shamelessly enjoy it—in its first release, the theatres offered complimentary barf bags for viewers upset by the wildly obscene gore; maybe you ought to finish your popcorn fast as to provide an empty container for you and your date. "

OK, back to more whoring.

Sick Fuckers (?)

2009-06-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

Usually this blog is just an excuse to either rant a bit about the latest movie news, plug a friend’s worthwhile event, or just say “shit” and “fuck” a lot. But this time out, I’m actually going to write a serious rumination on our genre! Bust out the dictionary folks, I got me a case of the “pretentious dick” syndrome.

What got me going was this link (thanks for the post, Rue Morgue!): http://www.physorg.com/news163266028.html. The basic gist is that a study at Cornell University concluded that those that dislike icky things like horror movies tend to be conservative. To my many conservative friends out there who revel in the gore just as much as my liberal ass, my apologies. But the article did bring up some interesting points.

Working on a horror film festival in this city has been a challenging but rewarding experience. The reward has been realizing how many of you depraved bastards and bastardettes are out there in my very own city, and it’s a blast being able to bring to you the craziest horror flicks from around the world, and share them in a communal experience.

The challenge? Hearing those dreaded words “I HATE HORROR MOVIES”. I’ve heard them a lot in the past 2 years, and the challenge has been to convince people that despite the fact that they don’t like it, many do, and it’s a viable market with the potential to put our city on the map. But no matter how many facts and figures, how much brass tax, or how many dollar signs you flaunt, some people are just convinced that horror has no place in our society.

So it’s got me thinking about what it means to be a horror fan, and what horror in general means to our culture. Almost from birth, we are indoctrinated into a world of the horrific through the most unlikely source – fairy tales. Today these tales have been Disneyfied, complete with a whole slew of product tie-ins readily available at your local strip mall. But if you go back to the original source material, the Grimm Brothers, you find worlds filled with terrifying imagery in which no one – not even a child – was safe from the wrath of the supernatural and the spectre of death. Many of the Grimm’s works were based on ancient folk tales that went much farther back into our dark collective history.

I won’t bore you with the historical details, but I will say that horror has been a part of our world stretching back to the dawn of our civilization. At every era in our history, horror has been represented strongly in our culture – ancient Greek tragedies, Grand Guignol plays, German expressionism, the Universal monsters of the ‘30s and ‘40s… all the way to the modern age, yada yada yada.

It’s always been a part of our culture because, ultimately, ours is a culture of death. None of us can avoid it. And our history is full of real horrors – both inflicted by nature and by our own hands. My belief – and this’ll piss off a lot of folks, I’m sure – is that where horror fits into one’s entertainment and escapism is a factor of how one deals with the horror of reality. There are two types of people: those living in the bubble and those living out of the bubble – and I believe horror fans fit squarely in the latter category.

What is “the bubble”? Its insulation. Its chick flicks. Its all things Oprahfied. It’s like a comfy blanket to a three year old – that little piece of security, no matter how false. Its how some people may choose to deal – or not deal – with the nature of our world. Living is like walking a tightrope, even in today’s modern times. We may not have nature’s predators stalking us around every corner, but we have predators nonetheless. There are economic predators, looking to strip us of our livelihood, microbial predators like cancer and the new crop of emerging diseases, human predators, or even just the dumb fuck driving his pickup too fast on the highway. The world, despite its progress, is still scary as hell.

The Bubble, in many ways, is denial. That’s not to say that everyone who dislikes horror is a pussy, or in some way mentally incapable of dealing with life, or that everyone that likes chick flicks is in denial - some form of escapism is important for us all. But there are some people who can’t accept that, despite diligently going to work every day, paying their taxes, and doing what’s expected of them, they may still get fucked in the end. When real life horrors encroach into their lives, some people simply can’t handle it. We see this with the ‘knee jerk” types who, when faced with horrific tragedy, rant and rave that “something must be done about this”. Randomness be damned…

So naturally, many of these people shy away from anything that reminds them of the precarious nature of our existence, and there’s no better reminder in our pop culture of how thin the strings are that hold us up than a good old frightfest.

Why do horror fans embrace the darkness? What makes them different? Despite the fact that I refer to us as “sick fucks” and “depraved bastards”, I think nothing of the sort. Most horror fans I know are also the most balanced, sane people I know. I believe the horror fan doesn’t embrace horror because we’re messed in the head, I believe we embrace horror because our head is screwed on well enough to know that the world is a messed up place, and what’s on screen is nothing in comparison.

Sarte (or maybe Voltaire… what the fuck do I know) once said – and I’m paraphrasing – “to escape death, one must immerse one’s self in it”. For us, horror film is escapism because it’s a horror that we can walk away from after ninety minutes. We choose to watch the movie, and we choose to shut it off. We may root for the hero or we may root for the killer; we may revel in mindless gore or seek a less tangible terror that preys on our own imaginations. But however we do it, we do it on our terms. We might as well chase the darkness rather than have the darkness chase us.

On second thought, you guys ARE all sick fuckers. :)

---------------------------------------------------------------

On that note, if you need your monthly quota of on screen blood and boobies, don't forget about the ZOMBIE LUAU this Saturday at Metro! The shenanigans begin at 9pm with contests, giveaways, and my very own home-cooked trailer reel that I hope will have you all busting your guts in the seats. Then we can watch more guts get busted with our 35mm screening of Fulci's ZOMBIE!

Advance tickets are $10 and are available at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte!

R.I.P. Don Edmonds

2009-06-01T18:58:00.001-07:00

Who the fuck is Don Edmonds, you may ask? He's a Hollywood producer, sometime actor, and exploitation director with, to paraphrase Dabney Coleman from Dragnet, "balths as big as choich bellths". While Edmonds starred in a number of TV shows from the late 50s to the 80s, including The Munsters, Green Acres, and Hunter (and was one of the producers of Tarantino's True Romance) Edmonds is best known for his career as director of some of the seediest, greasiest grindhouse flicks of the 70's, among them, Wild Honey, Tender Lovin' Care, and Southern Double Cross. But his greatest contribution to celluloid sleaze? The Nazisploitaition masterpiece Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS.

Ilsa was certainly a controversial film that took a lot of balls to make, what with its cheesy yet graphic scenes of concentration camp torture mixed with a generous helping of 70's soft porn T&A and afro bush. But what sets Edmonds apart from other sleaze-meisters of the time was that he had the unmitigated gall, the big brass ones, the ample ripe cahones, the aformentioned church-bell-balls to DEDICATE this depraved SS skin flick to CONCENTRATION CAMP SURVIVORS! Yes folks, that;s right. The Holocaust has two films to memorialize it - Schindler's List and ILSA. Dedicating Ilsa to the Holocaust survivors is like dedicating Space Chimps to the lost crews of the Columbia and Challenger space shuttles.

I gotta be honest, when I first viewed the film, I found it pretty fucking stupid. But with time and repeated viewings, Ilsa's tawdry crassness won me over. I mean, c'mon, Gestapo officers with pee fetishes? Gold baby! And this film would go on to spawn a number of sequels (one that never got made, Ilsa Vs. Bruce Lee In the Bermuda Triangle, would have been an absoulte shit sandwich of joy), and inspire an entire subgenre of knockoffs like SS Hell Camp, Salon Kitty, and Last Orgy of the Gestapo (none of which would match Ilsa's depraved, insane, tasteless heights). I kinda hope Tarantino riffs on some of these when Inglorious Basterds hits this summer.

So here's to you Mr. Edmonds... I'll be hoisting a pint of German beer in your honour tonight.

PS. Some trivia for you... Ilsa was filmed on the set of the TV show Hogan's Heroes. Also, Ilsa herself, Dyanne Thorne, now runs a wedding chapel in Vegas. That's right horror fans - you can get hitched by the SS vixen herself!

(Also, strangely enough, when you do a Google Image Search for "Ilsa She Wolf SS", you get a picture of Republican John McCain's wife Cindy. Hmmmm...)

Reboots and Luaus

2009-05-28T19:19:00.000-07:00

Holy shit! It's been almost a month since I've posted... i'm quite the busy prick these days. More on that in a bit, but first, I wanna talk about REBOOT.

Nah, not those cheap ass CGI turds. Reboots. Hollywood style. I remember first hearing that dreaded word during the filming of Batman Begins. Back then, the concept seemed new and exciting, and for the most part, reboots have worked. Batman, Casino Royale, and Star Trek have all been hugely successful both commercially and financially. But like with all good things, eventually Hollywood's gotta milk that sow's tits dry.

I kinda knew things were going downhill when they announced a "reboot" of Friday the 13th. Scratch your heads along with me folks, because you probably thought what I did - EVERY fucking Jason movie is essentially a reboot. I mean, Jesus H. Crisco, we've had 8 actors or something playing Jason, and Jason in various states of decay and usually in different clothes in every flick. He always winds up sunk and the bottom of Crystal Lake, yet he always emerges in the next flick in a fresh set of shambles. Perhaps Momma Voorhees threw his armoire in the lake after he drowned.

Anyways, the point is that a reboot was pointless. Every movie was the same... Jason rises from the grave, and starts cleaving guys from neck to nuts (or for the ladies, mouth to muff). It's the same fucking plot. Yet, brand it a reboot, and suddenly its all new again. Bullshit.

Now comes word out of those patient, artistically inclined geniuses at FOX (insert sarcastic prick emoticon here) that a "reboot" of Alien is in the works. First off, WHY? It's a FUCKING ALIEN MOVIE! Here's the jist of it for you guys at Fox, in case you're reading: the alien gets in your chest, bursts out, grows up, and eats your ass. Add slight variations in both the number of aliens and Sigourney Weaver's hair, and that's pretty much it. Sequel? Why yes please. You don't even have to get Siggy back, just find a new group to be terrorized. Reboot? Fuck you.

"Reboot" has become the new catchphrase for coke-addled knuckleheads in Hollywood to add to their cliche dictionary - the one that includes words like "downsizing" and "Synergy" and "thinking outside of the box".

The Alien franchise doesn't need a reboot or a reimagining. It just needs a) a good director. Not some music video directing flake either, and b) a studio willing to let that director bring their vision to life free of studio heads buggering the shit out of it. Then, Mr. Fox Rothman Dude, you'll have a successful movie. Oh, and put this baby in it. He rocks.

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ZOMBIE LUAU!

Back to the reason for my lack of blogging goodness... I've been prepping what I hope to be one kick ass, ghoultastic, flesh ripping, poi-tastic party - our Zombie Luau!

In case you haven't heard, on Saturday, June 13th, DEDfest: Hellberta's Horror Festival, is screening Lucio Fulci's tropical gut-busting, eye-popping grindhouse classic "ZOMBIE" at Metro Cinema. In glorious pristine 35mm courtesy of our good friends at Media Blasters.

But no, we're not just showing the movie... we've got loads of shits and shenanigans. Luau contests, trailer reels, and prizes galore are in store for you folks, along with (as Kev calls it) SWEET SWEET ALCOHOL. And if you wanna win prizes, you gotta get zombified. But we don't want just any old ordinary zombie costumes; we want you going Luau style! Dress up those flesh wounds with a sexy grass skirt. Add a groovy Hawaiian shirt to compliment that exposed brain. Have fun, and the more creative the better.

Advance tickets will be on sale at the Lobby VERY SOON! Stay posted to our DEDfest, Zombie Luau, and Welcome to dEdmonton pages for info.

A Classic Gets Reanimated...

2009-05-05T08:19:00.000-07:00

“… an unreviled orgy of sadism…”

This was from Variety Magazine’s review of George A. Romero’s 1968 film “Night of the Living Dead”. Thankfully, few people listened to the review. The film has gone on to become not just one of the most acclaimed horror films of all time, and one of the most acclaimed films period. Its shrewd blend of B-movie thrills, unprecedented gore, real chills and a political undercurrent reflective of its time made it a box office hit and secured the film’s place in cinema history.

What many people don’t know is that the picture lapsed into the Public Domain because the distributor, the Walter Reade Organization, neglected to put a copyright indicator on the prints. US copyright law at the time required such an indicator. That’s why if you throw a rock in Best Buy you’ll likely hit a copy of NOTLD, usually piss-poor transfers with crappy cover done by shady looking DVD companies. And even worse, one of our finest filmmakers got royally screwed. But there’s an upside…

The public domain status has allowed curator Mike Schneider to bring about one of the year’s most interesting film projects – Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated. Keeping the existing audio track and painting over the video, Schneider put out a call to artists and animators across the world to put their own stamp on the horror classic. The result? The classic tale of terror is now told through a variety of fine arts and animation techniques – traditional animation, CG, stop motion, oil painting, watercolor, ink – even sock puppets, tattoos, t-shirts, and Barbie dolls – all synched up to the original audio track.

The project had its last call for entries just a few weeks ago, and is now in post production. I got the chance to grill Schneider on this cool new film project.

How’d you come up with the concept? And what were your next steps after that in getting the project off the ground?

"I'm a conceptual artist and a film geek. I wanted to bring them together. I love the freedoms and expressive qualities of art but it's so esoteric that it alienates people outside of the art community. You have these really complex languages which are already foreign to most of the audience and then the artwork speaks in colloquial expressions, idioms, and abstract poetic metaphors about largely intangible ideas. How the heck are people who aren't raised/ trained in that language supposed to be able to get anything from the gallery?

I had a peanut butter in my chocolate moment. My thought was if I take a film and treat that as an art space... then we have a place that more people will feel comfortable walking into and as a result a space where artists could show their work to this larger audience. What this would do is give the audience a way to enter into the work and then they can appreciate the freedom and expressive nature of it all instead of trying to figure out what the heck its suppose to be.

So I started this thing off doing Last Man on Earth as a solo project. Great idea but flawed... pretty soon I was as trapped, isolated and overwhelmed as Price was in the film. By best estimates, it would have taken me about 15-20 years to fill an entire film with my own artwork. I soldiered on but was watching other films in between working to keep my mind bringing new ideas into the work. Anyway, one day I popped in my battle wary copy of Night of the Living Dead. Then I came to this line: 'That's my point! There's not going to be five, or even ten! There's going to be twenty, thirty, maybe a hundred of those things, and as soon as they find out we're here, this place'll be crawling with them!' - Harry Cooper (NOTLD '68). I realized that I was approaching it all wrong. Artist's aren't meant to be the ones trapped... they are the creatures banging on the windows trying to 'get into your head'. Artists like those things have strength in numbers and so this project shouldn't be a solo art show... it should be a group show... plus with a whole bunch of artists and animators involved it was a hell of a lot more realistic on top of everything else. So I changed horses and reframed the project as a mass collaborative. Thus Night of the Living Dead: Reanimated was underway.

I wrote up a blurb I passed around to artists/ animators I knew. Largely the response was, 'Why would you do that?' The split seemed to be between the people who didn't get the point of making a film out of art and those who didn't get the point of why it needed to be a film which already existed.

I then started throwing blurbs on Craigslist... again the response seemed more of people questioning the few things I established as controls then experimenting with everything else I left opened. It dawned on me that there were fan artists on youtube and deviant art who were already doing NOTLD work. I thought if I started by getting some of them on board then we'd have work to show. In the mean time, I started working on my own segments so I had something to show for myself as well. We were a group of maybe a dozen artists but even then there was enough artwork that it started to make sense to other people. We had our first press coverage about a month into the idea and from there the group and collection of work kept growing. The rest is history."

What was the initial reaction to your pitch?

"At first, artists wanted to question the few things I established instead of playing with everything that I hadn't, filmmakers and animators didn't seem to get why it had to be a film that already existed and people already knew and the fans seemed outraged that we were 'messing with Romero's classic'. Once we had some work in, artists started to come around to the idea (though they still wanted to question the rules), as did film makers/ animators (though they wanted add and change things about the film), and even the fans started to take it all with a grain of salt as they started to see things in the collection of work which interested them. It took a bit more work before the visuals really had a presence to themselves. Once it started to look like an impressive project it became more attractive to other artists. The more work and artists involved, the more fans saw things they liked and started to come around. Now the arguments and counter points never really went away but as the amount of work keeps growing it starts to take on a life of its own and where as people will always still have their 'what if's' they can appreciate the fact that our project has become much more then just a hypothetical idea. I'd say as far as the overall tone we've come a really long way. I'm really starting to feel like there are people who 'get it' and from there I hope they enjoy the works they like and appreciate that there are other people who are enjoying the works they don't."

What was your reaction when the first entries started coming in?

"Honestly, I was split. The works which followed the idea and artists who did their own thing with it were great but others seemed to miss the point. When I tried to illustrate thing with filters and/ or the first artworks coming in but then there were people who latched onto the visuals instead of the concept.

It took me back to teaching. If you don't show the class examples most of them will be lost. If you show them one or two examples they will copy those examples verbatim. It isn't until you show them a board full of examples that they start to find their own ideas in between the other works.

A project like this really has the same set of circumstances... once we had a website covered with artwork online suddenly the group started to grow overnight and as we go the artists are all feeling the freedom to try new things and take chances in their artwork. The project has become even stronger for it."

Do you have a favourite entry/segment so far? Or if not a favourite, which one’s been the most surprising?

"No on both accounts. I entered this project without any expectations visually so there isn't any chance of something which will really surprise me because I've openedly requested everyone to bring what they do to the party. As far as favourites, there are some works which are more appealing to me visually and others more appealing to me conceptually but in reality no individual work speaks to me as much as the juxtaposition of all these things sitting next to each other under the frame of the same project."

What stage is the project in now, and when can we see the finished film?

"We are in post production. We are filling spots between artwork with more artwork and then are all going to critically review the timeline offering up alternative work for anything which feels like it's bringing the quality down. We're shooting for festivals and independent theaters in the fall and a DVD by winter. It's a long way to go but considering how far the project has come over the last 11 months, I think we can do it."

What’s been the most challenging part of the process?

"Our biggest challenge is the unforeseeable circumstances which have been plaguing the artists and everyone else. Between the skyrocketing job lost, wide spread illnesses, deaths in their families, and just Murphy's law, a lot of our artists have had to face a lot of hardship throughout this project. We solider on but I know these circumstances have made the work slower developing and have caused many artists who desired to participate forced to back out of the project because their lives were too trying. The work which is being done by these artists even through these hard times is a testament to their passion and their love for the original film. Still it's been a challenge because as an artist and fan myself part of me wants to extend things to allow all of these people time to get their lives back together while part of me feels that it would be a disservice to the fans and artists who have been pushing themselves so hard not to move forward. As John Lasseter once put it, 'Animation is never done, it's just released.' So though we are working to finish the film for release... should the climate change and the clouds part... who knows what the future holds."

There’s a lot of public domain flicks out there… any you’re thinking of tackling next?

"Actually, the next pass through we're taking another step forward with this idea and will be working with old time horror radio dramas instead. Before there was a home movie market or much in the way of independent film, if a story wasn't mainstream box office material it never received the green light to become film. So not to be completely wasted, they found themselves a home in our homes as radio dramas. Well written and aptly performed by the masters of the horror genre, theses stories have fallen into obscurity because they lack the visual stimulation needed in our ever growing visual culture. By pairing our artwork and animation with these radio dramas, our next project 'Unseen Horror' will give these stories the screen time they deserve and help them find a home in the DVD collections of horror fans everywhere. Anyone who might be interested in participating in that next project is advised to sign up for more information here : http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/unseenhorror/"

Have you spoken or had contact with Romero on this? Has he offered any feedback? What about the film’s surviving cast and crew?

"This is a complicated question which I'm going to attempt to answer very carefully. We have presented the materials and received some acknowledgement that it has been heard about and seen. In respect and restraint, I will not be making any statements on their behalf. Should they at some point wish to publicly comment on our project either in the form of praise or criticism, they do so with my blessing. Also for what it is worth, I do not wish for our project to be considered as an alternative to their film but rather as a supplement for fans of their original work to see the responses which other artists have had to this cult classic. A true fan tries to support the art, not exploit the artists and so I encourage everyone to do the same."

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY

2009-05-01T12:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Fuckin’ May Day.

We’ve had a shit spring here in Dedmonton, but things are finally looking up. In addition to some decent weather, Happy Harbour Comics has a shitload of fun planned for their annual Free Comic Day celebration this Saturday May 2. In addition to free fucking comics, they’ve got giveaways and tons of special guests, including ED THE SOCK!! Ed and Liana K will be taping their show from the HH 124th street location at 7:30PM. Also, the E-Ville Roller Derby girls will be holding a couple of matches in the street behind Happy Harbour’s Whyte Ave digs at 11AM and 3PM.

Laid to Rest - Review

2009-04-30T11:51:00.001-07:00

Sure, Bruce Campbell is God. Sam Raimi, George Romero, and Dario Argento are royalty. But the makeup FX artist… he’s the fucking rock star of the horror world. Winston, Savini, Bottin, Nicotero and Berger – these are the guys every genre geek wants to be. So it’s only natural we’ve had a few of them venture into the world of directing. We’ve had the late Stan Winston’s modestly successful Pumpkinhead, and Savini’s NOTLD remake, but as cool as these movies are, when you put an FX guy behind the lens its usually going to be all about the FX. Rob Hall’s Laid to Rest (now available at The Lobby DVD Shop On Whyte) is no exception – and it’s a fucking beautiful thing.

Hall, previously known for his effects work on Buffy, Angel, Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, and films like Quarantine, previously directed 2004’s indie drama (yes that’s right… drama) Lightning Bug. That may explain why despite the blood and mayhem of Laid to Rest, there’s some meat on them there bones. And I’ll get around to beating that meat shortly.

The plot is simple. Girl wakes up in coffin, escapes, but can’t remember where she is, why she’s there, or even who she is. Worse yet, some dude with a metal skull face and two of the most pimpin’ knives you’ll ever see is chasing her. One impalement and a gouged eyeball later, and she’s fleeing for her life. And that’s before the title card even rolls. From there, it becomes your typical slasher movie, with said girl being chased by ol’ nickelface and him killing everyone that gets in his way.

The good? Some pretty solid performances. We’ve got some cameos from Terminator’s Lena Hedley (who rocks her all-too-brief role) and Thomas Dekker, and genre steadfasts Johnathon Schaech and Richard Lynch, but the weight of the movie rests on leads Bobbie Sue Luther (who bumped uglies with Cousin Andy in "Curb Your Enthusiasm") and Kevin Gage. Luther was a little off-putting at first, playing her amnesiac more like a b-movie bimbo version of Nell, but as her character toughens up, damn it if she didn’t have me cheering her on (although she didn’t pull out the twins at all, and spent a good chunk of the film in a bulky flannel shirt). Gage is extremely likeable and stoic in his role as well.

But if we were really interested in the craft of acting we’d be watching James Lipton. We’re here for the kills, baby, and boy does this nasty little sucker deliver. While the killer, Chromeface, looks mildly interesting at best, it’s the way he kills that makes him such a memorable badass. Hall’s company Absolute Human Inc. pulled out all the stops – we’ve got head skewerings, face cleavings, impalements, some acid face-eating, death by tire sealant and beheadings gruesome enough to make Iraqi insurgents flinch. And the makeup effects are good… spooky good. This movie has more than it’s share of “holy fuck” moments.

The bad? The usual suspects – poor editing and cinematography. Not to rag on the people behind the camera, its just disheartening to have a film with so many great elements look crappy because of budget restraints. As much as I loves me some indie horror, this movie would have been so much better with a tighter pace and a slicker look. Also, Hedley, Dekker and Schaech were completely wasted. Hell, it took more time to figure out how to pronounce Schaech’s name than his actual screen time. (Remember when that guy used to work with Tom Hanks? Yeah, neither did I.)

But despite some annoying flaws and some poor pacing, LTR is a great throwback to the old slasher flicks of yesteryear. Pop this on with Adam Green’s Hatchet, crack open a sixer of stubbies, and bask in the sweet rancid smell of nostalgia.

OFF THE RAG!!

2009-04-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

If you're bored tonight and want to catch a flick with some great folks, head down to Happy Harbour Comics for a double bill of My Name Is Bruce and Repo! The Genetic Opera. Yeah, you can rent these and watch them at home, but these movies are meant to be seen with a rowdy crowd of geeks like me, so head down and check it out.

And they have, as Kevin from The Lobby so eloquently says, "sweet sweet alcohol".

Movies start at 7:00PM. All proceeds go to support the Pure Speculation Fair.

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OFF THE RAG!! - Dracula 2000

There are loads of unsuccessful horror movies littering the cinematic landscape. Most of these movies are unsuccessful because – simply put – they suck hind tit. However, every once in a while, there comes a movie that undeservedly gets ragged on by the horror community. I’m here to take the dirty rag off and reveal a previously unseen gem that deserves a second look. The bloody clot I plan on dislodging this week is, fittingly, a vampire movie – Dracula 2000!

Also fittingly, the film is directed by Patrick Lussier, the man at the helm of this year’s My Bloody Valentine 3D. I hadn’t been this excited about the release of a mainstream Hollywood horror movie since Grindhouse (and for a remake no less). MBV3D kicked serious ass with an arsenal of pick-axes, flying jawbones, and 3D boobies.

Anyways, back to Drac. I caught this film on it’s opening weekend (the last week before 2001 - nothing like leaving it to the last minute, Weinsteins) with a theatre maybe a third full. It’s a shame, because this reimagining of the Dracula legend was pretty damn ok.

The flick starts out in Victorian London, where Van Helsing (played by the ever-hammy Christopher “Starcrash” Plummer) had finally caught Dracula (Gerald “300 Abs” Butler) and imprisoned him in a silver, cross-laden coffin. Flash forward to 2000, where an antiques dealer and descendent of Van Helsing – also played by Plummer – tends to his shop, Carfax Abbey (actually the BCE Building in Toronto). It gets robbed by high tech thieves led by Omar Epps, Jennifer Espisito, and Hyde from the 70’s show, who make off with a familiar silver coffin. You don’t have to be a fucking Rhodes Scholar to guess what’s inside. Turns out old VH junior is actually VH senior, kept alive by shooting up leech-filtered vamp blood so he can stay alive and guard Draccy. The thieves fly stateside, with junkie Abe and his protégée (Johnny Lee Miller) in hot pursuit. Hyde fucks up (as Hyde is prone to do), Drac gets loose, and the plane crashes in New Orleans, where stud muffin Vlad quickly rounds up a posse of pussy and searches for Van Helsing’s daughter Mary. Hjinks ensue.

We got vamps in New Orleans, hot chicks, and Hyde… so what went wrong with this film? First off, it had that shitty “Wes Craven Presents” line before the title, you know, to make you think Wes Craven actually directed it when he didn’t. But by this time, people were kinda sick of Scream and all its clones, and Wes was off making dramas with Meryl Streep, so it’s kind of a moot point.

Problem #2: the Scream connection. Bad marketing made this seem like yet another of those shitty Kevin Williamson clones. Did you see the poster? The marketing guys musta busted out the ol’ “I Know What You Did” template in Photoshop.

What did the movie do right? First off, as much as Butler got flak for not being charismatic enough, he did a pretty decent job of playing the baddie. In particular, there’s a great scene where he’s marvelling at a Monster Magnet video on the big screen outside Virgin Records. Also, Drac’s satanic sluts, including Seven of 9 and one-hit-wonder Vitamin C, were hot, the New Orleans locale was well used, and there were lots of little nods to vampires past.

But by far, the best thing about Dracula 2000 was his origin story – such a brilliant stroke of genius and by far the best reimagining of a character I’ve seen in a long time. See, Drac ain’t just Vlad the Impaler… he’s (SPOILER NOTE!!)

…Judas Iscariot! The backstabbing bastard himself! By expanding his legend, the writers have crafted such a cool origin for the Prince of Darkness that you’ll slap yourself on the forehead and exclaim “why the fuck didn’t I think of that!” All of Drac’s little quirks, like the aversion to silver and crosses, all suddenly make sense.

Stylish with a little bit of brains thrown in, Dracula 2000 should have found a bigger audience than it did, especially with the shit that came out that year. Strangely, it was enough of a success to merit two craptastic straight-to-dvd sequels. Go figure.

Freddy Vs. Rorschach

2009-04-08T08:56:00.000-07:00

The big movie news this week: Jackie Earle Haley IS Freddy Krueger. Haley, last seen as the psycho vigilante Rorschach in Watchmen, will strap on the rusty razor glove and pizza-cheese face in Platinum Dunes’ remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street. This is inspired casting; I just wish Michael Bay would be as inspired in his choice of directors. Almost every single fucking remake done by Dunes has featured a music video director at the helm, including ANOES’s Samuel Bayer. To Bayer’s credit, he’s actually got a pretty extensive resume, which includes the classic Nirvana video Smells Like Teen Spirit, but does this mean he’s qualified to remake one of the most seminal horror movies of all time? Furthermore, if you’re going to remake a classic Mr. Bay, why not grow some brass balls and allow an established director to put his own spin on it? Or let someone from the amazing new crop of international directors (including those from the “new wave” of French horror) take a crack at it.

After watching Martyrs this past week, it was a no-brainer that director Pascal Laugier is the perfect choice to helm the upcoming redux of Hellraiser. But for Bayer, I find it hard to believe that Bay and co. sat down, watched a couple of Cranberries videos, and said “Fuck Craven! This is our guy!” I’d like to believe the producers at Platinum Dunes see something in these directors that we don’t, because the alternative – that these guys are hired because they’re cheap, glossy, and willing to tow the company line – is a pisser.

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In splatter news of a different kind, the Paintball Warriors of Classic Terror (sponsored by The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte) have some vids up on YouTube of their last tournament in which they scored 3rd place! Also, they’ve been undefeated for 8 games straight… way to kick ass for us gorehounds, boys!

April Foolishness

2009-04-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

“Let’s All Go to the Lobby…”

If you’re bored as fuck tonight, in a movie-watching mood, or just a sick bastard in general, Kevin at The Lobby DVD shop on Whyte has something special for you.

First up, Martyrs, the most controversial horror film of 2008, hits DVD today, (a month earlier than the US!). This French film reputedly made audience members pass out during several screenings last year due to its extreme nature. The plot? I can’t even begin to describe it… from what I understand it goes from revenge fantasy to spiritual torture porn, with strong religious overtones. To give you an idea of what to expect, director Pascal Laugier has been tapped by the Weinsteins to direct the upcoming Hellraiser remake.

With titles like Haute Tension, Inside, Frontiere(s), and now Martyrs, it seems like this new wave of French horror (it even has a wiki entry: the “New French Extremity”) is running roughshod over anything Hollywood has to offer.

Also out this week is Lucio Fulci’s Cat in the Brain. Long before Adaptation or Being John Malkovich came Fulci’s whacked-out movie-within-a-movie. Director Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The Beyond) plays himself, tormented by strange visions while filming his latest gore opus. If you like this one, DEDfest has a Fulci-related surprise for you this summer… stay tuned for details!

And last but not least – The Sinful Dwarf. I never knew there were Dwarfsploitaion movies until now. Mere pointless words can’t do this justice, so here’s the trailer:

Kev will be doin’ his thing ‘til 9PM tonight, and he’s got shitloads more on the shelves, including Timecrimes (another TIFF favourite), a few releases from this year’s After Dark Collection, and Frankenstein the Rapist. Yes, you heard that right.
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ATTACK OF THE SWEET TRANVESTITES
See Rocky Horror the way it was originally meant to be seen – live onstage. Dylan “the Vylan” Caddy has informed me that this is the final weekend for the Odd Lot Theatre Company’s presentation of the cult classic musical. It’s rare we get a piece of live theatre this cool, so head out and support these guys while you can. Tickets are available at Tix on the Square.

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BUCKLE OF DOOM
In other news, our friends at Rue Morgue have found yet another way to suck those sweet, sweet dollars out of my pocket: a new pewter belt buckle designed by the amazing Ghoulish Gary Pullin. Here’s the pic (click on it to hit the Rue Morgue Shoppe of Horrors):

Also, I just picked up my copy of issue #88 dedicated to the late Lux Interior of The Cramps. Lux passed away from heart failure earlier this year. Only the gang at RM has enough of a don’t-give-a-fuck attitude to put Lux on their cover and give him the props he deserves, so props to them.

Dead Heat Remake?

2009-04-01T10:16:00.000-07:00

Looks like Michael Bay and the gang over at Platinum Dunes are on a roll. Coming off the success of their F13 remake, and with a Nightmare On Elm Street re-imagining on slate, the production company may be setting its sights on the 1988 cult classic Dead Heat. Sources say casting has already begun, and that the buddy-buddy cop team originally played by Treat Williams and Joe Piscopo will now be played by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson.

“We figure Ben will likely be playing Roger (Mortis, the undead hero cop)” says Bay. “The comic potential is endless – remember in ‘There’s Something About Mary’ when his dick got bit by the dog? Imagine it comes off and somehow winds up in his mother-in-law’s dinner. That’s the kind of vibe we’re going for – Meet The Parents meets Dead Alive.”

Production is set to start April 1, 2010.

My Favorite Thing of the Day...

2009-03-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

Badly Dubbed Swedes, Underfinanced Undead Fascists, and Rondo

2009-03-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

Let the Right Words In

I’m one of those guys who hates it when they dub foreign films. The “actors” supplying voices never seem to catch the subtle nuances of the original actor’s performance – most of the time they sound like they’re dubbing a kids cartoon. But the case of the recent US DVD release of Let the Right One In, turns out the subtitles were fucked, not the dubbing. Some industrious folks at Icons of Fright who discovered that the subtitles on the US release were “dumbed down” from the international version.

Here’s an example:
Before (international)

After (US cock-up)

What the fuck?? According to The Digital Bits, fan outcry has prompted Magnet releasing to issue a new DVD version with the original, better international subtitles. Unfortunately, there are no plans as of yet to allow those who purchased the old version to exchange it for the new.

HOWEVER, for us Canadians, we’re in luck. Kevin at The Lobby has informed me that the subtitles on the Canadian DVD release are the correct international ones. Yeay Canada! And a special toast to the folks at Mongrel Media, Canadian distributors of the DVD, for not dropping the ball on this one.
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Worst Case Funding Scenario

For those who attended last year’s Horror Fest at Metro, one of the highlights was a trailer for a movie that didn’t even exist. The trailer was called Worst Case Scenario, and the premise of Nazi Zombies got everyone giving the ol’ “heil” from their pants.

The trailer was more or less a demo reel for filmmaker Richard Raaphorst to try to get funding for a potential feature version.

Well, there’s some bad news. Twitch Films is reporting that the project is deader than old Adolph himself (unless his head IS actually in a jar or robot somewhere). Raaphorst and his producers were unable to secure financing, so they’ve effectively dropped the project.

The good news? THIS is what they’re doing with their spare time:

Can I get a “FUCK YEAH”?

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Rue Rondo

Congrats to our fiendish friends over at Rue Morgue Magazine for snagging FOUR coveted 2009 Rondo Awards!

The Morguers won in the following categories:
Best Magazine: Rue Morgue.

Best Article: "Coffin Joe Resurrected,'' by Scott Gabbey and Jovanka Vuckovic

Best Magazine Cover: Issue #83, a portrait of Forrest Ackerman by longtime Famous Monsters artist Basil Gogos
Best Horror Audio Site: Rue Morgue Radio

Also, Joe Moe was voted “Monster Kid of the Year”. Who’s Joe Moe? Joe’s the fan turned caretaker to the legendary, late Forrest J. Ackerman. Moe spent more than ten years acting as “friend. adviser and caregiver” for Ackerman. I’ve had the pleasure of talking with Joe on a couple of occasions via Facebook, and although much of the collection at the Ackermansion is getting auctioned off, I have no doubt that Joe will carry on Forrest’s legacy in style.

OFF THE RAG

2009-03-20T08:23:00.000-07:00

My Leprechaun/Guinness evening didn’t turn out quite like I’d planned. After two beers, and sitting through half of the first film, I fell asleep. I mean, sure, he killed a guy with a pogo stick, but other than his little outfit, there wasn’t much about Leprechaun that got me in an Irish mood. Warwick Davis’ piss-weak brogue and the casting of Jennifer Aniston didn’t help (although we all know that the Greeks are the natural enemy of the Irish).

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OK, the Sorority Row trailer released today didn’t really put the stiff breeze in my skin flute, so I thought I’d write about something not so recent. In fact, I’ve made up a new regular feature: OFF THE RAG!

What is OTR? Well, every week or so, I’m going pick a movie that was widely panned upon its release and defend it because, well, I’m an asshole, but also because I liked the fucker. I’m going to take a movie everyone ragged on and take it OFF THE RAG! Get it? (Harry Knowles would be proud at my use of bodily secretions for a movie review).

First up is a movie I picked up for a buck-fitty at Best Buy over the holidays: X-Files: I Want to Believe. For much of 2007-2008, I was psyched over the return of Mulder and Scully to big screens. Adding to the anticipation was the fact that this movie would steer away from the conspiracy story arc that dominated the series, and focus on a monster-of-the-week type plot.

Early trailers didn’t give much away. Unfortunately, it turns out there wasn’t much to give away. Released a week after the Dark Knight, audience reception was poor and reviews were scathing, comparing it to a mediocre episode of the series at best. So like a chump, I avoided seeing it in theatres. This might have been a good thing.

I was bored last week, and it was a typical snow-covered turd of a day here in dEdmonton, so I popped open an afternoon beer, and popped in the DVD – and I actually enjoyed the fucker. The plot, which I’ll run through briefly, concerns Mulder and Scully, now a couple that occasionally skronk (let’s call them “Sculder” ala “Bennifer” and “Brangelina”), called back into action by the FBI. Scully is a doctor at a churchy type hospital and Mulder just sits at home growing a fake beard, so the excitement is welcome. The feds need their help on the case of a missing FBI agent, a case whose only lead seems to have come from the mind of a former pedo-priest-turned-psychic (Billy Connelly). The investigators, led by Amanda Peet and (sigh) X-hibit wanna know if Father Joe is really psychic or just pulling stuff out of his ass. After a few conversations, and a chase or two, Connelly eventually leads Sculder to the abductors – some freaky Russian head-swapping scientists looking to take sex changes to a whole new level.

Plot wise, yeah it seemed like director-writer-guru Chris Carter just raided the vaults for some unused scripts, but somehow the movie kinda gelled with me. The icy, snow bound setting and brilliant cinematography were as moody as any classic X-file, Duchovny and Anderson slipped right back into their roles with ease, and Billy Connelly’s Father Joe was a standout. Sure, there were no monsters (other than a two-headed dog), and both the gore and grue were limited, but the gruesome bits that made it onscreen were effectively chilling. Also, the whole Russian head grafting angle was well played – these fuckers were actually trying this stuff back in the 1950s, and many two headed dogs actually did ensue.

I do have one major issue with the film, and I’m going to post a major spoiler in hopes that when you watch this, you’ll shut it off when the credits start rolling. After said credits, we see Mulder and Scully clad in beach wear, rowing a boat to some tropical island. I shit you not. Is this an X-files movie or some fucking Matthew McConaghey-Kate Hudson romcom? Maybe Chris Carter felt all the snow was too depressing, so he tacked on a vacation scene for the test audiences.

Anyways, yeah my expectations were in the shitter, and watching it on the small screen probably helped with the average plot, but Carter and co. did a lot of things right, and took a lot of chances. They could have opted for a big-bang return of TV’s favourite feds; instead, they told a more intimate, thoughtful, character-based story. The problem was that after such a long hiatus, the fans wanted more. Plus, the whiz-bang summer competition made X-Files pale in comparison. I get the feeling that if Fox has released this in late fall, it would have done a hell of a lot better than it did.

So go plunk down your cash and at least rent the fucker, so Fox can at least justify another sequel and we can get the return of one of the classic freaks, like Tooms or the inbreds.

Shamrocks, Shenanigans, Aliens and Predators...

2009-03-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Happy St. Paddy's Day - to paraphrase Kevin from The Lobby, don't be too much of a pylon.

St. Paddy's Day is also NEW RELEASE DAY! Unfortunately, pickings are slim. There's only one new release I'm "gunning" for, and that's the new Punisher: War Zone. I heard great things, but unfortunately this had the shelf life of Chinese chocolate and got pulled from theatres before I had a chance to catch it.

My other acquisition for today:

I figure, why fight the legions of drunken, pants-shittingly-drunk frat boys gorging themselves on piss weak beer dyed the color of Paris Hilton porno night vision when I can pick up this triple-cheese-fest, snag a sixer of Guinness, and bask in Irish stereotypes.

Unfortunately, this set doesn't include the prestige films Leprechaun 4: In Space, Leprechaun in the Hood, and Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood. Those films were a pot o'gold. Well... a pot of something anyways.

Now, I haven't actually seen any of the first three movies, so after viewing them tonight I may very well need to drown my sorrows in green ale, get pissed, and punch people in the face to the tune of Dropkick Murphys.

By the way, if Hollywood is so desperate for remake fodder, why not remake Leprechaun? You could hire Tom Cruise to star....

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In other news, AICN posted this great article. These are New Zealand ads to promote screenings of Alens Vs Predator on SkyTV

Sadly, AVP: The Hustler, AVP: Shuttlecock, and AVP: Searching for Bobby Fischer sound more exciting than the last two movies.

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And finally, kudos to Jason and the gang at Happy Harbour Comics for raising over $2000 for Big Brothers and Sisters of Edmonton this past weekend. 19 budding local artists came out for the 12 Hour Comic Challenge and not only raised money, but came up with a 12 page comic book! Also of note, Happy Harbour and The Paint Spot are both chipping in .10 cents for every dollar raised, and Jason also hopes to reprint the comic soon.

Cheers, guys!

Happy Voorhees Day!

2009-03-12T23:20:00.001-07:00

Just cause it's F13:

Fuckin' campers.

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My ignorance over the years has blinded me to a great local event - so let me rectify this right now:

This weekend, head down to Happy Harbour Comics and support a great cause. It's their annual 12 HOUR COMIC CHALLENGE, so whether you're a budding comic artist or a comic fan, come check out the great vibe and the cool staff. And most importantly, the artists will be raising money for the Big Brothers and Sisters of Edmonton. Each artist will attempt to raise a minimum of $50 for the cause, and sponsor The Paint Spot will donate $0.10 for every dollar raised.

The shenanigans start this Saturday, March 14 at 9:30AM at Happy Harbour's downtown location (10112 - 124 St.). The registration deadline has passed, but come out and lend your support anyways.

Most comic shops are content to gouge patrons out the ass, so it's refreshing to see a great place like Happy Harbour come out and support their community. Even if you can't make it for the 12 Hour Challenge, go check out all the great shit they have to offer. Maybe they'll even tell you if the Dr. Manhattan 12" action figure is anatomically correct. Blue dong.

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As much buzz as i've heard about the (as-yet-to-be-seen-cause-i'm-a-lazy-fucker) Watchmen movie, the one I'm really psyched about this weekend is the remake of Last House on the Left. What's getting my popo excited? The original was a classic, but not exactly one of horror's hallowed grounds, so it's good fodder for a remake. Also, after reading recent interviews with the original's director (and exec producer of the remake) Wes Craven, it seems he had a big hand in the project. Add to that a European director with some indie cred under his belt - rent his first film Hardcore at The Lobby - and it seems like the kind of winning formula that made the remake of Hills Have Eyes such a kickass experience.

Gotta say, to date, 2009 has been a decent year for remakes. Not a PG-13 shitfest in the bunch. My Bloody Valentine 3D was one of the best movie experiences I've had in a long time, and Friday the 13th split horror fans right down the middle yet still racked up $50 million on its opening weekend. Hopefully Last House '09 continues the remake streak.

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In case you hadn't seen it...

Dear See Magazine...

2009-03-06T19:40:00.000-08:00

re: this week's cover

I fixed it for you:

So I heard plenty o' bitchin' and whinin' about Watchmen, released this weekend. I've heard plenty of raves too, but the bitchin' seems to stand out the most. So I'd like to respond to the fanboy cranky-pant-iness with a few choice words: Bride Wars. Tyler Perry's Medea Goes to Jail. He's Just Not That Into You. Jonas Brothers 3D. The Pink Panther 2.

Maybe Watchmen is a movie that indeed should not have been made - not because the story isn't good, but because in today's test-marketed, carefully manipulated, low-risk Hollywood, ingenuity and vision is rarely rewarded. So just be fuckin' happy someone tried.

P.S. Hey Alan Moore... smile a little, dude.

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In dEdmonton news: THE CREEPSHOW ARE COMING!!!

If you haven't seen Toronto's Creepshow, quit pickin' your ass and get tickets. This is power pop-punk with a hefty helping of halloweeny hellfire... and they're playing New City Suburbs this Wednesday. Guests include Australia's The Regulators and Calgary's Scorched Banditos.

I've seen these guys three times already, and they never disappoint. And with Ticketbastard scalping their own events, it's a great time to come out and support independent bands. Plus they have amazing t-shirts designed by Rue Morgue Magazine's own Ghoulish Gary Pullin!

If you need more convincing,
a. you're a douchebag
b. see videos below.

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To hell with the Real Doll...

I spent thirty bucks on this and I don't regret it. Scare the fuck out of your coworkers, entertain your dog, or use it to fetch beer.

If you'd like your very own Dedhead, go see Mike and Joanne at Mars and Venus, on Whyte Avenue two doors down from Elephant and Castle.

News and shit

2009-02-26T13:48:00.000-08:00

This fuckin rocks...

"Crawler: A construction crew is trying to solve a mystery about their bulldozer, which appears to have a mind of its own - and an insatiable hate for the human race. They are soon to discover that the heavy machinery is in fact a shape-shifting lifeform that mimics and inherits the characteristics of its surroundings."

SWEET.

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In other news, here's a link to last night's recap of the first "Official" dEdmonton meeting.

http://blog.mastermaq.ca/2009/02/25/introducing-dedmonton-canadas-halloween-festival/

Thanks Mack!

Oscar thoughts and other crap

2009-02-23T15:45:00.000-08:00

My thoughts? It was great to see Heath Ledger win. Although he deserved the Oscar regardless, one wonders if the Academy would have honored such an original performance if Ledger were still alive. Jackman was surprisingly funny. Steve Martin, Tina Fey, and Ben Stiller's Joachim Phoenix giant 70's porno bush beard were highlights as well.

And in the horror front, it was cool to see long time make-up FX guru Greg Cannom get some gold (although there's no fucking way the team from Hellboy 2 weren't more deserving).

But holy flurking schnit did the rest of the show blow. Although they did mention the late Maila Nurmi AKA Vampira, the FAILURE of the Academy to include Forrest J. Ackerman in their "In Memoriam" reel really burned my ass. A fucking film critic got a mention, yet Forrest, a tireless campaigner for sci-fi and horror (arguably two of Hollywood's profitable genres) and a child-at-heart who has inspired some of our greatest talents, never got a mention. I've heard speculation that it's because Forrest wasn't an Academy member - if that's the case, a big fat Oscar up the ass to the Academy. His contributions to the industry over his lifetime far outweigh fucking membership dues.

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In other sad news, we lost one of the slickest vampire pimps of all time. Robert Quarry, best known for his role as Count Yorga, Vampire, passed away at 83 this week. While he spent the biggest part of the 80's and 90's doing b-grade stuff like Droid Gunner and Teenage Exorcist, back in the 70's, Quarry starred in a number of classic horror flicks, including Yorga and it's sequel, Deathmaster, Madhouse, and Dr. Phibes Rises Again with Vincent Price, and in one of my favorites, the Blaxploitation voodoo classic Sugar Hill . He also starred alongside Paul Newman in a couple of late 60's flicks, WUSA and Winning.

Thanks Robert, and RIP.

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Finally, a shout out to my fellow Councilman of E-ville, Darryl. Check out his blog at http://www.peanutgnome.com/!

2009-02-20T15:14:00.000-08:00

Strangely enough, as I was trying to think about what to write I became consumed by one thought - is Dom DeLuise still alive? I had to find out. A quick jaunt to IMDB confirmed the fatso is still kicking, and in a ironic twist (not proper irony, but an Alanis ironic-but-not-really sorta way), his next role is a cameo is in a flick called Horrorween. Karma, man.

A click or two, and I got some dirt on this "Horrorween" business, and it's not pretty. I'd post the link to their homepage but since i don't think they've changed the name of the film to "This Account Has Been Suspended" I'll let the IMDB link suffice.

Horrorweeen is a 3D comedy/horror directed by and starring Joe "Martin Sheen's Brother" Estevez (does any movie really "star" Joe Estevez?), known for his stellar work in the MST3K classics Soultaker and Warrwilf. Scrolling down, I found possibly one of the most intriguing ensemble casts assembled on film - besides Deluise, Jenna Jameson, William Shatner, Tom Savini, Alice Cooper, Donald Trump, Flavor Flav, and George Clinton all star. The cast is intriguing because they're all listed as either playing themselves or as cameos, making me wonder if they're willingly in this movie, or if good ol' Joe just stalked them with a camera Bowfinger style. Either way, the prospect of seeing Dom Deluise's giant ass or Flavor Flav's Gollum-esque features on a big screen IN 3D NO LESS could make for a more frightening time than My Bloody Valentine.

If I didn't love you all, you bet your ass I'd screen this at our next horror fest. Followed by a Q&A with Estevez, Flav, and Dom's ass.

Anyways, onto good movies. Our friends at Metro Cinema are treating us to a "Weekend of Witches", featuring screenings of Carl Theodor Dreyer's Day of Wrath and 1962's Burn, Witch, Burn! The only thing missing is Simon, King of the Witches!

Kudos to Metro from programming some really off-the-wall shit, and for still hanging in there as our only indie theatre in the city.

Once you've got your fair share of the black arts, head over to The Brixx (Starlite Room) and catch Saskatchewan's The Sinisters with Vrolox and The Yells live in concert.

For those in the local psychobilly/punk scene, Vrolox is Edmonton's newest supergroup composed of cool cats from Jukebox Shock, The Homewrekers, and Death By Dawn.

Cheers

First Post!!!

2009-02-20T14:58:00.000-08:00

Well, the banner's too big for the page, and I really don't have this shit sorted out yet, but let's just dive right in, shall we?

This is The Dedmontonian - direct from Dedmonton, Hellberta. This is what I hope will be our creepy little burg's best source for horror info - film, tv, music, etc. - and a place where us sick bastards can congregate, have a good time, and discuss the grue and gore.

I've lived about 2/3rds of my life in our harrowing hamlet, and I can safely say I'm a dyed-in-the-wool Edmontonian. That being said, sometimes we can suck sphincter - especially if you're a horror fan like me. Simply put, we get the shit end of the stick. Sure, we get the big releases, but the cool little independent horror flicks that grace the cinemas of cities like Toronto, Montreal, and even Halifax never seem to make it here. And for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Because this city has the liveliest, craziest, fucked-in-the-head-iest bunch of freaks in Canada.

Cheers to you, my demented tribe.