Laid to Rest - Review
Hall, previously known for his effects work on Buffy, Angel, Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, and films like Quarantine, previously directed 2004’s indie drama (yes that’s right… drama) Lightning Bug. That may explain why despite the blood and mayhem of Laid to Rest, there’s some meat on them there bones. And I’ll get around to beating that meat shortly.
The plot is simple. Girl wakes up in coffin, escapes, but can’t remember where she is, why she’s there, or even who she is. Worse yet, some dude with a metal skull face and two of the most pimpin’ knives you’ll ever see is chasing her. One impalement and a gouged eyeball later, and she’s fleeing for her life. And that’s before the title card even rolls. From there, it becomes your typical slasher movie, with said girl being chased by ol’ nickelface and him killing everyone that gets in his way.
The good? Some pretty solid performances. We’ve got some cameos from Terminator’s Lena Hedley (who rocks her all-too-brief role) and Thomas Dekker, and genre steadfasts Johnathon Schaech and Richard Lynch, but the weight of the movie rests on leads Bobbie Sue Luther (who bumped uglies with Cousin Andy in "Curb Your Enthusiasm") and Kevin Gage. Luther was a little off-putting at first, playing her amnesiac more like a b-movie bimbo version of Nell, but as her character toughens up, damn it if she didn’t have me cheering her on (although she didn’t pull out the twins at all, and spent a good chunk of the film in a bulky flannel shirt). Gage is extremely likeable and stoic in his role as well.
But if we were really interested in the craft of acting we’d be watching James Lipton. We’re here for the kills, baby, and boy does this nasty little sucker deliver. While the killer, Chromeface, looks mildly interesting at best, it’s the way he kills that makes him such a memorable badass. Hall’s company Absolute Human Inc. pulled out all the stops – we’ve got head skewerings, face cleavings, impalements, some acid face-eating, death by tire sealant and beheadings gruesome enough to make Iraqi insurgents flinch. And the makeup effects are good… spooky good. This movie has more than it’s share of “holy fuck” moments.
The bad? The usual suspects – poor editing and cinematography. Not to rag on the people behind the camera, its just disheartening to have a film with so many great elements look crappy because of budget restraints. As much as I loves me some indie horror, this movie would have been so much better with a tighter pace and a slicker look. Also, Hedley, Dekker and Schaech were completely wasted. Hell, it took more time to figure out how to pronounce Schaech’s name than his actual screen time. (Remember when that guy used to work with Tom Hanks? Yeah, neither did I.)
But despite some annoying flaws and some poor pacing, LTR is a great throwback to the old slasher flicks of yesteryear. Pop this on with Adam Green’s Hatchet, crack open a sixer of stubbies, and bask in the sweet rancid smell of nostalgia.
OFF THE RAG!!
And they have, as Kevin from The Lobby so eloquently says, "sweet sweet alcohol".
Movies start at 7:00PM. All proceeds go to support the Pure Speculation Fair.
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OFF THE RAG!! - Dracula 2000
There are loads of unsuccessful horror movies littering the cinematic landscape. Most of these movies are unsuccessful because – simply put – they suck hind tit. However, every once in a while, there comes a movie that undeservedly gets ragged on by the horror community. I’m here to take the dirty rag off and reveal a previously unseen gem that deserves a second look. The bloody clot I plan on dislodging this week is, fittingly, a vampire movie – Dracula 2000!
Also fittingly, the film is directed by Patrick Lussier, the man at the helm of this year’s My Bloody Valentine 3D. I hadn’t been this excited about the release of a mainstream
Anyways, back to Drac. I caught this film on it’s opening weekend (the last week before 2001 - nothing like leaving it to the last minute, Weinsteins) with a theatre maybe a third full. It’s a shame, because this reimagining of the Dracula legend was pretty damn ok.
The flick starts out in Victorian London, where Van Helsing (played by the ever-hammy Christopher “Starcrash” Plummer) had finally caught Dracula (Gerald “300 Abs”
We got vamps in
Problem #2: the Scream connection. Bad marketing made this seem like yet another of those shitty Kevin Williamson clones. Did you see the poster? The marketing guys musta busted out the ol’ “I Know What You Did” template in Photoshop.
What did the movie do right? First off, as much as
But by far, the best thing about Dracula 2000 was his origin story – such a brilliant stroke of genius and by far the best reimagining of a character I’ve seen in a long time. See, Drac ain’t just Vlad the Impaler… he’s (SPOILER NOTE!!)
…Judas Iscariot! The backstabbing bastard himself! By expanding his legend, the writers have crafted such a cool origin for the Prince of Darkness that you’ll slap yourself on the forehead and exclaim “why the fuck didn’t I think of that!” All of Drac’s little quirks, like the aversion to silver and crosses, all suddenly make sense.
Stylish with a little bit of brains thrown in, Dracula 2000 should have found a bigger audience than it did, especially with the shit that came out that year. Strangely, it was enough of a success to merit two craptastic straight-to-dvd sequels. Go figure.
Freddy Vs. Rorschach
After watching Martyrs this past week, it was a no-brainer that director Pascal Laugier is the perfect choice to helm the upcoming redux of Hellraiser. But for Bayer, I find it hard to believe that Bay and co. sat down, watched a couple of Cranberries videos, and said “Fuck Craven! This is our guy!” I’d like to believe the producers at Platinum Dunes see something in these directors that we don’t, because the alternative – that these guys are hired because they’re cheap, glossy, and willing to tow the company line – is a pisser.
April Foolishness
If you’re bored as fuck tonight, in a movie-watching mood, or just a sick bastard in general, Kevin at The Lobby DVD shop on Whyte has something special for you.
First up, Martyrs, the most controversial horror film of 2008, hits DVD today, (a month earlier than the US!). This French film reputedly made audience members pass out during several screenings last year due to its extreme nature. The plot? I can’t even begin to describe it… from what I understand it goes from revenge fantasy to spiritual torture porn, with strong religious overtones. To give you an idea of what to expect, director Pascal Laugier has been tapped by the Weinsteins to direct the upcoming Hellraiser remake.
With titles like Haute Tension, Inside, Frontiere(s), and now Martyrs, it seems like this new wave of French horror (it even has a wiki entry: the “New French Extremity”) is running roughshod over anything Hollywood has to offer.
Also out this week is Lucio Fulci’s Cat in the Brain. Long before Adaptation or Being John Malkovich came Fulci’s whacked-out movie-within-a-movie. Director Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The Beyond) plays himself, tormented by strange visions while filming his latest gore opus. If you like this one, DEDfest has a Fulci-related surprise for you this summer… stay tuned for details!
And last but not least – The Sinful Dwarf. I never knew there were Dwarfsploitaion movies until now. Mere pointless words can’t do this justice, so here’s the trailer:
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See Rocky Horror the way it was originally meant to be seen – live onstage. Dylan “the Vylan” Caddy has informed me that this is the final weekend for the Odd Lot Theatre Company’s presentation of the cult classic musical. It’s rare we get a piece of live theatre this cool, so head out and support these guys while you can. Tickets are available at Tix on the Square.
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In other news, our friends at Rue Morgue have found yet another way to suck those sweet, sweet dollars out of my pocket: a new pewter belt buckle designed by the amazing Ghoulish Gary Pullin. Here’s the pic (click on it to hit the Rue Morgue Shoppe of Horrors):
Dead Heat Remake?
“We figure Ben will likely be playing Roger (Mortis, the undead hero cop)” says Bay. “The comic potential is endless – remember in ‘There’s Something About Mary’ when his dick got bit by the dog? Imagine it comes off and somehow winds up in his mother-in-law’s dinner. That’s the kind of vibe we’re going for – Meet The Parents meets Dead Alive.”
Production is set to start April 1, 2010.