Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Horrible Threads!

Hey gang!

Quick note... Those spooky ladies from Mars & Venus wanted to remind everyone who received the skull coupon at the Dead Snow screening to come visit the shop and save save save. Buy something for yourself or use it towards a holiday gift. New stuff arriving daily. Coupon is good only until Dec 1!! Pop by Mars and Venus... the best store in Edmonton for your horror-related threads and gear.

And in case you didn't get one:

Monday, October 26, 2009

Turkey Shoot: FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!



Shopping for costumes stressing you out? Let off a little steam and have some fun with FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!

This Warhol produced cult-classick is screening in 35mm for one night only! With live commentary from two of Edmonton's funniest film connaisseurs!

15 minutes of fame? Try 2 hours of crap! This 1970’s vintage 3-D horror extravaganza contains the classic line “To know death, Otto, you have to f**k life... in the gall bladder!” It’s well known that Dave Clarke has patterned his acting career after the work of Udo Kier, and Jeff Page is intrigued by any film that has a character named Nicholas, the stableboy. Say, boys and girls, let's shoot a turkey for Halloween!


October 28 @ 8PM at Metro Cinema!

http://www.metrocinema.org/film_view/2260/

Turkey Shoot: FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN!

http://www.metrocinema.org/film_view/2260/
Monday, September 28, 2009

Strigoi!

Hey gang! If, like myself, you simply can't wait until October 15 for DEDfest: Deadmonton's Horror Fest, check out some of the cool new genre flicks at this week's Edmonton International Film Fest.


Tonight, we have a quirky vampire comedy from England called Strigoi. From the EIFF website:

"STRIGOI is a Vampire movie that defies categorization. Shedding a fantastic light on a post-communist Romanian village, the film introduces us to an ancient myth: Strigoi – the souls that rise again after death to seek justice if they’ve been wronged, their appetites intensified by a hunger for blood. Vlad (Catalin Paraschiv) investigates a mysterious death in his grandfather’s village that raises questions about land ownership in the community. The trail points to ex-communist bully, Constantin Tirescu, and his wife. But when Vlad confronts them, he discovers that the richest landowners in the village have become real bloodsuckers!"


Strigoi won the gold medal for Best Independent Feature at this year's Toronto After Dark Film Fest, so don't miss it's Edmonton premiere! Also, director Faye Jackson will be in attendance!


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Iggy Dead




Why am I posting an old Iggy Pop video from the '80's? It was brought to my attention my the Lascivious Lisa Ladouceur on Rue Morgue Radio that the video was directed by none other than Sam Raimi. You can definitely see his touch here. Plus, Iggy is cool as shit (although I'm not sure about the chainmail tank top).

"What's wrong with chainmail?"




Monday, September 14, 2009

Ripley's Horrible Facts! Plus Burlesque, Luchadors, and more!



...unavailable for comment:


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In other news, the lovely ladies of Lascivious Burlesque are joining forces with the Luchador Lothario El Superbeasto! This Thursday, September 17th, DEDfest presents a gory, sexy, bloody fine evening featuring Lascivious Burlesque live... AND included in your ticket price is a special advance screening of Rob Zombie's new animated flick "The Haunted World of El Superbeasto"! Based on his comic series, "Beasto" features the voices of Sheri Moon Zombie, Rosario Dawson, Brian Poehsn, "Faster Pussycat's" Tura Satana, Bill Moseley and Sid Haig from "The Devil's Rejects", and Paul Giamatti. Yes, Academy Award nominee Paul Giamatti.




And in keeping with the Zombie theme, the girls have told me they're laying on the gore, grue and blood for a frighteningly seductive dance of the undead! This promises to be a burlesque show the likes of which Edmonton has never seen!



Tickets are $15 and are available at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte (780.433.0600), and through Lascivious Burlesque (LasciviousBurlesque@yahoo.ca). Doors are at 8, movie at 8:30, and Lascivious after the film.Presented by DEDfest: Hellberta's Horror Festival! Go to http://www.dedfest.com/ for more details.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Horror-rock at Folk Fest 2010?

The city is raving about the 2009 Folk Fest like it was the second coming of Jeebus – and by all accounts (and judging from Steve Earle’s beard) it just might have been. While the Dedmontonian’s musical proclivities tend to lean towards Motorhead, Pantera and Rob Zombie, I have been known to partake of an evening or two of Folk Fest in the past. So in light of their success for their 30th anniversary, I’m going to look forward to 2010 and suggest to Mr. Terry Wickham an act that would bridge the gap between the folkies and the horror nuts like me: Roky Erickson.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with his work, I would best describe his sound – well, as best as a my addled mind can describe – as a darker version of Tom Petty. Many of Erickson’s songs, such as “I Walked with a Zombie”, “Two Headed Dog (Red Temple Prayer)”, and “Night of the Vampire”, feature supernatural or horror themes.

Unfortunately, Erickson suffered from Schizophrenia, and in the late 60’s and early 70’s he was in and out of a string of mental hospitals in his native Texas. It was after that when Erickson adopted a heavier sound, and began incorporating horror and sci-fi elements into his music. Despite some amazing albums in the 80’s, Erickson’s mental health took a turn for the worse, and his creative output dwindled.

Thankfully, in 2001 Henry Rollins and Roky’s brother Sumner pulled him out of his slump. Sumner gained legal custody of his brother, established a trust fund, and proceeded to sort out all the legal tanglings that had left Roky penniless. Now Erickson is receiving proper medical care and is currently working on a new album with ZZ Top’s Billy Gibbons, and he’s been a fixture on the live music scene in Austin for the past few years now. In fact, he just played at this year’s SXSW festival.

Here’s one of my favourite Roky tunes – imagine this song being performed at Gallagher park with ominous storm clouds a-brewin’. Terry, please bring this guy here!








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One more festival - the last of the summer - wraps this weekend. Our annual Fringe Festival ends Sunday, and there's a few plays you horror fiends shouldn't miss.



For the Love of a Zombie is a funny, Ed Wood-vibed Zombedy with two shows left:



August 21 7:00 pm

August 22 4:30 pm



The show's at #1 Westbury Theatre (TransAlta Arts Barn).



Also, Dr. Frankenfurter squeezes into his latex for only three more shows:



August 21st- Friday- 7:30 PM

August 22nd- Saturday- 7:30 PM

August 23rd- Sunday- 8 PM



Catch Frank, Riff Raff, and the rest of the gang at New City Suburbs on Jasper Ave!

And lastly, the boys at Mostly Water Theatre (who entertained the crowds at last year's Deadmonton Horror Festival with their short film "Gaylien") are wrapping up their new show "Wetware", which runs every night at 6pm (until Sunday) at Filthy McNasty's.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009

ZOMBIES AT THE FRINGE!

If there’s one thing The Dedmontonian can’t resist, it’s the idea of zombies being somewhere they really shouldn’t be. Every year at the Fringe Festival there are a number great plays, but there are also a lot of bad ones – highbrow, pretentious, artsy-fartsy, angst-ridden, experimental, and one-man/woman shows (seriously folks, I saw a play two years ago where it took me the show’s entire 40 minute run to figure out that the junkie character was actually supposed to be a fucking cat).

But praise Romero, this year the zombie infection has spread to the realm of live theatre! The carrier: “For the Love of a Zombie” – a new horror-comedy from the Accidental Humour Company. The story involves a batch of “organic” fertilizer that accidentally gets spilled at a quiet farm, raising the dead and unearthing the sordid secrets of the farm’s inhabitants.

I’ve seen some clips from the 1950’s Ed Wood-inspired multimedia components of this show, and they’re funny as hell. And I give mad props to any project that uses the theremin!

Here’s some clips and photos:



video

The show runs at the Fringe on the following dates:

August 15 8:45 pm – 9:45 pm

August 16 2:15 pm – 3:15 pm

August 18 11:30 pm – 12:30 am

August 20 12:15 pm – 1:15 pm

August 21 7:00 pm – 8:00 pm

August 22 4:30 pm – 5:30 pm

The venue will be #1 the Westbury Theatre, also known as the TransAlta Arts Barns. For more information, go to http://zombies.brentfelzien.ca/

TICKETS ON SALE NOW. Visit http://tickets.fringetheatre.ca/ to book/buy online!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

RIPLEY'S VAULT OF TERROR!!!

Here's a new feature I hope to keep bringing to you throughout the year - an horrific little taste of the world of Ripley! No, not Sigourney Weaver... Robert Ripley, creator of the "Ripley's Believe It Or Not!" empire.

I got myself a little slice of that magic - my Ripley's page-a-day calendar! Every day has at least one new fact that would make Jack Palance spin in his grave - or at least do a few zombie one-armed push-ups.

Here's one I thought was particularly creepy:


Awwww cute... they kinda look like Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, don't they?

And for those of you that are too young to get my Jack Palance reference:

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Gruesome news...

Here's a gruesome news story out of the US:

Police in US say fetus was cut from womb of woman found slain; fetus missing, could survive

By The Associated Press
WORCESTER, Massachusetts - A pregnant woman was found dead in her apartment with her fetus cut from her womb, and police on Wednesday were trying to find the missing baby, which they said could have survived.

Authorities said 23-year-old Darlene Haynes was about eight months pregnant and the child would have needed immediate medical attention to survive.

The exact cause of Haynes' death had not been determined Tuesday, but Detective Capt. Edward J. McGinn Jr. said the autopsy indicated Haynes suffered head injuries.
Her body was found Monday by her landlord, William Thompson, who told WCVB-TV that a "horrifying smell" led him to Haynes' bedroom, where he found her body wrapped in bedding in a closet. Police said the victim had apparently been dead for several days, and that she hadn't contacted family or friends since Thursday.

Officials say Haynes also has a 1-year-old daughter who is safe with relatives.
Police said Tuesday that they had interviewed the father of Haynes daughter, Roberto Rodriguez.

Haynes had a restraining order against Rodriguez, who allegedly pushed her into a glass table in June and cut her arm, then grabbed her by the throat and slapped her, the Telegram&Gazette of Worcester reported, citing court records.

Court records also showed Rodriguez was charged with hitting Haynes in 2008 in a case that was continued without a finding.

In June, Haynes described the 24-year-old Rodriguez as her boyfriend of several years. Her landlord said Rodriguez moved out of the apartment last month.

In an interview with WCVB, Rodriguez said Haynes was "a nice girl."

"She had her problems, you know, but nobody deserves to go (through) what she went through," he said.
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Jeeeeesus.


Maybe they should be looking for this woman:

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Return of the Living Dedmontonian

I’m baaaaaack fuckers! It’s been a while (one notoriously misogynistic Black puppet and one parade later), but I’ve reanimated myself to chaw down on our city’s collective brain.

First off, head over to our less-decrepit cousin The Edmontonian where I address the fate of the former Deadmonton Horror Festival. Horror film fans WILL get their fix this October!

Next, a big thank you to all you perverts who came to our screening of Black Devil Doll on July 11. We got our asses handed to us by UFC, but you loyal few who came out made it worthwhile for us to do this kind of shit. For those who didn’t make it, was seeing Brock Lesnar’s smug mug really worth missing 80 minutes of crude humour and big jugs?

We did have a bit of controversy regarding our event posters, which, while not the most tasteful of ads, certainly didn’t merit phone calls to the police. Folks, the police are there to keep bad guys at bay, not as judges of bad taste. If you call them over stupid shit, they lose precious time they need to keep crooks off your streets and protect your property and your lives. Next time you’re offended, write a letter to the paper.

Thirdly, yours truly, the Dedmontonian, had the privilege of joining the motley collection of ghouls, zombies, pumpkinheads, psycho clowns, and hearses at this year’s Capital Ex parade. The dEdmonton crew entered a wonderfully wicked – and somewhat controversial – float in what can sometimes be a pretty drab parade (c’mon, a group of office workers in matching polo shirts holding a banner for their company is NOT a parade float). The Dedmontonian loves stirring shit up, and at the parade, we stirred shit up in true grave-churning style. Thanks to the wonderfully receptive crowds for all their support.



Our motley procession.



This guy seemed nice.





Lastly, stay tuned to the DEDfest page – we’re currently under construction, so sometimes we won’t look very pretty, but we’ll have some wicked news to share with you soon.

Until then, here's to seeing you more often.

DED
Thursday, July 9, 2009

Metallica and Crazy Russian Scientists

Hola, bastardos locos!

Quick reminder - the Black Devil Doll is coming! This Saturday, July 11th at the Pawn Shop (10549-82 Ave), we present the CANADIAN PREMIERE of The Most Offensive Movie Ever Made - BLACK DEVIL DOLL! Tickets are $12, are going fast, and are available through Kevin "JD's Revenge" Martin at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte (780.433-0600). We've seen the film - it WILL offend and it WILL make you laugh your ass off.


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For like, the fourteenth day in a row, I've tuned into a certain ursine-monikered radio station at drive time and heard Metallica's "Day That Never Comes". I get it, Mr. Programming Manager - the song is heavy but easily digestible for the Nickelprick crowd. But why their follow-up single, "All Nightmare Long" hasn't got one stitch of airplay baffles me. Not only is it a return to the classic Metallica of "Creeping Death", it has one fucked-up, creepy video as well (posted below).

The "plot" of the video has to do with crazy Russkie scientists, experimentation, reanimation, and some evil little worm thing that came from Tunguska. Guitarist Kirk Hammett initially claimed that a big chunk of the vids footage came from an old vintage film reel he acquired on their Russian tour. The claim was later revealed to be bullshit to drum up publicity for the video, but its a cool story nonetheless. The vid evokes some of those freaky real films from the 1950s where Russian biologists were doing weird shit like sewing two heads on one dog. Although some deny the authenticity of those old films, I recently read Mary Roach's Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers in which one of her interviewees, a scientist working on head transplant (?) research, claimed those films were real and that, in fact, scientists in the former Soviet Republic are STILL doing freaky shit like that to this day.



Rosie Greer approves. Anyways, here's the video:





And here's some links to articles on Russian head transplant experimentation. Warning: the vids are pretty disturbing.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Head_transplant

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-426765/TV-programme-reveals-REAL-Frankensteins.html

http://redshiftblue.wordpress.com/2008/08/12/the-x-files-medical-science-a-head-of-its-time/







Friday, July 3, 2009

Guest Blog on The Edmontonian - Edmonton Horror Flicks


Hey gang!

The folks over at The Edmontonian (that's me minus the D) asked me to do a guest blog. SUCKERS.

Anyways, here's the spawn of that unholy union:
http://theedmontonian.com/?p=981#more-981
Thursday, July 2, 2009

In Honor of "Piranha" - Top Six Sick Summer Flicks!

There’s been a shitload of net chatter lately regarding the 3D remake of Joe Dante’s nature-gone-amok B-movie “Piranha”. And from what early set pics have shown, the buzz may be justified. So far, we’ve seen scores of bikini clad extras (some in various states of mastication), cool pre-viz of the fish, and the buff-as-fuck Elizabeth Shue. With a top-notch director like Alexandre Aja at the helm, and the 3D element, and we may be in for one gory, bloody, fishy good time in 2010. My only beef: although I can’t wait to see this movie, I’m kinda wishing they’d bump it from its March release and schedule it for mid May. This has the potential to be a big summer blockbuster.

Here’s some of the aforementioned pics:



















So in honour of the potential greatness that may be Piranha 3D, here’s a little list for you:

Top Six Sick Summer Flicks

Horror movies are pretty much synonymous with Halloween, but the great thing about our beloved genre is that there are sick flicks for all seasons! So with the temperature rising and the days getting longer, I thought I’d list some of my favourite summertime fright fests. After your ball game, barbecue, patio beer, or garden implement murder spree, pop one of these seasonal treats in your DVD player:

1. Jaws (1976)
Plot in a nutshell: a fucking shark eats people, Robert Shaw.

Summer, beaches, bikinis (albeit 70’s swimsuits – I shudder to think of the bush underneath – the shark must have been picking his teeth for days) and of course, sharks… Spielberg’s masterpiece not only defined the nature-gone-amok genre, it also holds the distinction of being the first summer blockbuster. And I’m still amazed they got away with a PG rating.

2. Friday the 13th parts 1-7, Remake (1980-2008)
Plot in a nutshell: a psycho/zombie in a hockey mask kills summer camp counsellors, Ron “Horshack” Palillo.

I’m not counting “…takes Manhattan”, “Jason X”, or “Freddy vs. Jason” because none of those capture the summer camp feel of the first 7. There’s talk of the next F13 (the sequel to the remake of the reimagining of the… ah fuck I’ve lost track) seeing Jason wreak bloody havoc in a snowy setting. Note to Platinum Dunes: do you know why no-one’s ever set a Jason flick in winter? Chicks don’t skinny dip in winter! Part of the charm of this series lies not just with the creative violence, but with the ample nudity as well. Nothing says “summertime” quite like perky tits and bloody cleavings. They go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

3. The Burning (1981)
Plot in a nutshell: See above. Substitute hideously burned face for hockey mask. Add Jason Alexander (with hair), Fisher Stevens and Holly Hunter.
One of the first rip-offs of Friday the 13th, this summer camp slasher is notable for its cast of future stars, for being the Weinsteins’ first film, and for Tom Savini’s amazing and groundbreaking gore FX. This film also stands out from the pack by actually having likeable characters and some decent dialogue. Plus, if you’re like me and can’t forgive Fisher Stevens for his dogshit performance in Hackers, then seeing him get his digits lopped off by old Cropsy feels like sweet revenge.


4. Uncle Sam (1997)
Plot in a nutshell: Murderous, zombified gulf war vet goes on a 4th of July vengeance spree against his town’s hippies and draft dodgers. Break out the fireworks, baby!

This fun, underrated gem comes from Maniac director William Lustig and Q: The Winged Serpent’s Larry Cohen, and stars genre vets Ken Foree, Bo Hopkins, PJ Soles, and Robert Forster. And it’s got Isaac fucking Hayes! Although the beginning is slow-paced, and the film’s attempt at a social commentary (addressing topics like misplaced patriotism and post traumatic stress syndrome) doesn’t quite gel, once the inventive kills get going, the film kicks into high gear. Uncle Sam, I salute you!

5. The Lost Boys (1987)
Plot in a nutshell: punky, dirt-bike-riding vamp pretty boys try to recruit soon-to-be-reality star Corey Haim and his older brother.

I was lucky enough to catch this in the theatre the day it came out. Although a bit dated in parts, it still remains a classic. Kiefer was at his most pre-Jack Bauer badassiness, the Corey’s were not only tolerable, but funny (but what the fuck was with the Rob Lowe poster in your room, Sam?), and there was ample gore and bloodshed to keep us freaks enthralled. It’s worth noting that an R-rated flick featuring a young cast of teen heartthrobs would never get made in today’s greedy studio regime. And the seaside setting – complete with my one weakness: CARNIVALS – makes this one of my favourite summer-themed movies.

According to Kev at the lobby, the sequel sucks hind tit.

6. The Funhouse (1981)
Plot in a nutshell: Stoner Teens sneak into midway funhouse for overnight boinking session, but get stalked by mutant fuckface carnie and his grimy dad.

Speaking of carnivals, this is the mother of all carnival movies. I can’t go a single summer without at least taking one walk through the midway and going into at least one haunted house, so for me, Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse is damned near the perfect psycho summer treat. With its creepy carnies, mutants, and animatronic beasties, this flick harkens back to a time when carnivals were a more thrilling, chilling, and edgy than their modern-day counterparts. Can’t wait to see what Eli Roth does with this one.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!



Monday, June 29, 2009

More MJ Shit...


Between Larry King Live, Nancy Grace, and pretty much every media outlet in existence, most of you are probably sick as lupus of hearing about the late pop-genius-creepy-bastard Michael Jackson. But in my surfing adventures, I found a long forgotten project MJ did as sort of a sequel to Thriller. It's called "Ghosts", and the main reason I'm posting it is because it touches on another tragic death: the immeasurable loss last year of the great Stan Winston. Winston directed and created the makeup effects for this short film. Note: in a testament to Winston's brilliance, the role of the fat-ass mayor is played by MJ under a shitload of latex.

So here it is - enjoy.







Thursday, June 25, 2009

just 'cause...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Transformers 2: The Revenge of Michael Bay's Splooge


The fact that bad movies make it to theatres while some films worthy of a packed house never make it to the big screen, is a travesty. One of those bad movies that's crowding the theatres this weekend is Transformers 2: Rise of the Fallen. According to most reviews, director Michael Bay has seemingly lost his mind. For example, two of the new transformers are called Mudflap and Skids, and they are apparently even more offensive a racial stereotype than Jar Jar Binks.

And from what I understand, one of the robots has balls. Testicles. Shiny metal testicles.

But on a rare occasion, a movie can be so bad that it can set a fire under the collective movie reviewing community's ass, angering and inspiring them to write some goddamn hilarious bytes. T2:RotF is such a movie, and here's a few of the winning comments:

Massawyrm, Aintitcool.com:

"...the mistake this film will most likely be forever known for: Mudflap and Skids, the Stepin Fetchbots of the film. It’s as if Michael Bay looked at Jar Jar Binks and said “Oh, fuck no. Really? People find THAT offensive? Fuck that, I’ll show them a fucking stereotype they’ll never fucking forget!” And he does."

"It’s like the script was written in one sitting on a Morphine bender, with the writer nodding in and out of consciousness, thinking that he’d already written what happened in his dreams and simply picking back up where the dream left off."

Dana Stevens, Slate Magazine:

"...the simplest thing Bay could have done to clarify the stakes of the robot wars would be to visually distinguish the robots from one another in some way. Armbands? Shirts and skins? "Hello, My Name Is" stickers?"

Joe Morgenstern, The Wall Street Journal:

"Compared to this sequel, the first "Transformers," which was released two years ago, ranks right up there with Kant's "Critique of Pure Reason.""

Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons:

"The male teenage cinematic equivalent of snorting cocaine off a hooker's ass."

Marshall Fine, Hollywood and Fine:

"It finally occurred to me that pyrotechnics are Bay's pornography: massive, fiery money-shots. I hope he had a sufficient supply of tissues in the editing room."

Jenna Busch, JoBlo.com:

"I know they had to get this script in before the writer's strike and that it was really rushed, but did no one proof read this thing? It's like three different people wrote their own version of the film and taped pages together"

Quint, Aintitcool.com:

"We hardly ever get to see any of the robots when they’re not fighting, with the exception of the new ‘bot named Jetfire who should be called the Expositionicon. He’s an old timer that walks with a transformer cane and randomly shits a parachute due to incontinence."

FHM UK:

"It’s like watching a blender for two hours while someone shouts at you. And then the last half an hour is the same, except it’s more like having your head strapped to a washing machine while you watch a blender and someone shouts at you."

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times:

"...a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys."

"The dialog of the Autobots, Deceptibots and Otherbots is meaningless word flap. Their accents are Brooklyese, British and hip-hop, as befits a race from the distant stars. Their appearance looks like junkyard throw-up."


These reviews almost make me wanna see the fucking thing.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Funkenstein!

In honor of next month's ONE TIME ONLY screening of the most offensive movie ever made, BLACK DEVIL DOLL (July 11 at the Pawn Shop!), here's a collection of Funkenstein videos. MadTV's riffs on Blaxploitation horror flicks are probably some of the funniest shit they've ever done.










Monday, June 22, 2009

Double Feature – Hell Ride / Zombie Strippers

So I popped in to the local video store expecting to find exactly fuck-all; instead, I found gold. While the rentals were pretty much cleared out, the store put out a shitload of previously viewed DVDs and marked them down to $6.99 each. Figuring $7 bucks is a lot cheaper than my usual accumulation or late fees, and I wouldn’t have to waste gas bringing them back, I snagged a couple of flicks that flew under my radar, but deserved a second look. As a result, I had a grindhouse-y good time with a double bill of the sleaziest flicks of 2008 – Hell Ride and Zombie Strippers.


First up – Hell Ride, a nasty little tribute to all those AIP biker flicks of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s, executive produced by Quentin Tarantino and directed and written by, and starring Larry Bishop. Who the fuck is Larry Bishop, you ask? Well, Larry was IN a lot of those old biker flicks from way back (although you wouldn’t know it from looking at him – dude is in his 60s and looks younger than Tarantino). Recently, Bishop had a side-splitting cameo in Kill Bill as Michael Madsen’s strip club boss – the “asshole on an elbow” guy.



So how did this guy with a fairly limited resume land such a sweet gig? Turns out Tarantino was a fan, and after meeting through mutual friends, Quentin and Bishop decided to make a biker flick of their own. And with the Tarantino stamp of approval on the project, some pretty big names jumped on board. In addition to Bishop, the film also stars Madsen, the late David Carradine, Dennis Hopper, and Vinnie Jones, among others. The plot is pretty simple. Bad bikers The 666ers, led by Vinnie, wanna take out the not-so-bad bikers the Victors, led by Bishop. At the same time, the Victors are plotting some nasty revenge against the Sixers for a thirty year old murder. But at the end of the day, this film is about two things: boobs and bikes, and this film has plenty of both.


What the film doesn’t have? Great dialogue and a coherent plot for starters. The dialogue was so overblown in this flick, I couldn’t figure out if Bishop was dead serious or taking the piss. With character names like Pistolero, The Gent, Comanche, and The Deuce, there are times Hell Ride bordered on spoof, then there are times where it seemed to take itself way too seriously. I think the problem is highlighted in the special features, where Bishop states that he didn’t care who liked the movie, but if Quentin didn’t like it, they’d have failed. Well, I sure as shit hope Quentin got a big kick out of it, because it was obvious Bishop was writing for him and no one else.


But as unimpressed as I was initially, something strange happened – by the second half of the flick, I found myself liking Hell Ride despite itself. The boobs got bigger, the bikes got louder, and there wound up being a couple of zingers that roused a chuckle out of me. And maybe I’m just a sucker for gloss, but if a movie is filmed well – and Hell Ride was sweet looking indeed – I can forgive its flaws. Also, the film has a pretty cool, Tarantino-esque soundtrack with some wicked little ditties (among them, one from Canada’s own Neko Case!). By the end of the flick, when Bishop, Madsen, and third amigo Eric Belfour ride off into the sunset, I was digging it. If only this film had some better dialogue and a snappier plot, it might have been a worthy addition to the Grindhouse franchise.

Speaking of Grindhouse, its strange how a movie that had been deemed a flop started a trend of new exploitation-inspired films since its release. Among them: last year’s Zombie Strippers, starring Robert Englund and porn queen Jenna Jameson. The plot? Zombie fuckin’ strippers dude. There’s not much else to know other than Englund is the club owner, Jameson the head undead peeler, and the zombies get naked. This flick’s undead horde aren’t your typical mindless corpses but intelligent (well, for strippers anyways) ghouls using their sex appeal to lure patrons to the champagne room for a little lap munching.

The girls were the best part of the movie – they go from bitchy, insecure vapid strippers to bitchy, insecure, vapid undead strippers, making for some wicked zombie catfights. The filmmakers went for the fun factor with this one, making it as over the top as possible. There’s even a Mexican janitor who goes all Poncho Villa on everyone’s ass towards the end.


Still, the film’s bad (and very shrill) acting, cheesy music, and crappy dialogue make it better viewed on a Metal Monday at Filthy’s with the sound off, subtitles on and some Black Label Society banging in the background. Zombie Strippers and Hell Ride are great party flicks… as long as you don’t pay too much attention to them.

Hell Ride 3/5 Zombie Strippers 2 ½/5
Friday, June 19, 2009

Weekend Shenanigans







Leprechaun here... YARRR! Time fer the weekend and time fer shenanigans! We got lots of fun and... WHERE'S ME GOLD?? I NEED ME GOLD!! Er, sorry, where was I? Ah yes, the weekend. If it doesn't rain, it pours, and it's pourin' fun tonight! We've got not one, but two great gigs fer yer pleasure this fine Friday!





First off, the lovely lasses from Lascivious Burlesque (who hula'd their fine arses off at our Zombie Luau last week) will be waggling their tassles and showing us the "7 Deadly Sins" tonight at the Starlite Room. Along with these half naked lovelies, the evening will feature our home grown hillbillies The Give'em Hell Boys and The Frolics. Show starts at 9:00 and tickets are $10 advance, $12 at the door.








And at New City Suburbs, The New Jacobin Club will give you the heebie jeebies with their special brand of spooky metal punk! If that wasn't enough to raise the dead, the show also features the sick and twisted talents of the Angry Teeth Freak Show! See them do things to themselves that I usually do to those simperin' fools who try to take MY GOLD! WHERE'S ME GOLD???






Whoops... gettin' a little too excited for me own good. The show at New City starts at 10:00. Until next time, go get pissed, see some boobies or freaks, and find yourself a four leaf clover. But stay away from me gold, or I'll make a boot out of yer nutsack!
Thursday, June 18, 2009

Trailer for Park Chan-wook's THIRST

FUCK TWILIGHT.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

A Brief Chat with David Carradine...


In case you were under a rock this past month, one of the kick-assiest guy’s guys ever to lay a whuppin’ onscreen died. David Carradine, star of Kung Fu, Kill Bill, Death Race 2000, and many more classics of coolness, was found dead in a hotel room in Bangkok under mysterious circumstances.

But I’m not going to focus on how he died. I’ll just remember the brief chat I got to have with him just a few weeks prior to his death. David had been in Edmonton filming a short movie; the producer of the movie had invested in a lo
cal bar here in town called Prohibition, so naturally he got David to help christen the new establishment.

I swung by with my copy of Hell Ride, a film that despite the cheese factor still kinda grows on me with each viewing (review coming soon). Carradine had a brief but memorable role in that flick as the main baddie who gets his head chopped off by the good guys. I first encountered David, well, at least his head, at the Rue Morgue Festival of Fear in Toronto at KNB EFX guru Greg Nicotero’s table. Greg, who had done the makeup effects for Hell Ride, had Mr. Carradine’s head on the table with him.

Strangely enough, I would run into that head again months later. I worked in the production office of “Fear Itself”, the short-lived NBC reincarnation of the “Masters of Horror” series. KNB did the makeup and prosthetics for that too, although Greg and Howard Berger did the work out of LA and shipped it up to Edmonton. One day, I happened to stretch my legs and take a walk through the office to the prop department. A jar with a head in it (not an unusual sight in our office) caught my attention – the head was the same white and grey flocked noggin I had posed with back at the FOF. Mr. Carradine’s head had apparently followed me back to Edmonton.

When I got the chance to meet David, I had to tell him the story. I brought the photo along with the DVD, and he graciously signed both, and when I told him the tale of his severed cranium he looked at me with a grin and said “impressive”. I’m not sure if he was impressed by the story or by his globetrotting head, but either way it was a cool moment.


By then the bar was packed to the tits, so I took off to visit friends at another venue. But later on my drive home, I passed Prohibition again. Outside on the street was David, having a smoke and entertaining the crowd. I figured “fuck it”, and I parked and walked back to the bar. This time, away from the noise and loud music, I actually got to talk to him a bit. He was very kind, but a bit of a sly smart ass when he wanted to be. The ladies were trying to flirt with him, but he would always graciously say, with a wink and a smile “I’m a very happily married man”. And he seemed like he meant it. In fact, he even pulled out pictures of his kids for us, and bragged about them at length. It was a rare and cool moment to see a tough guy icon turned into proud papa.


By this point, he was done his smoke and looking to get back to the bocce game inside, so I got a quick pic, bid farewell, and headed home. I’d talked to his people about possibly getting him back here to screen “Death Race 2000” and have him do a Q&A. Sadly, I’ll have to make due with a few brief anecdotes on a patio. Let’s take solace in the thought that somewhere, David’s hanging with Steve McQueen, Bruce Lee, and Elvis, riding dirtbikes and drinking beer.

Cheers, David. Thanks for being one cool motherfucker.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Ghouls Get Lei'd!


Despite the weather being ungodly hot, 100 of you ghouls dragged your shambling tropical asses to Metro Cinema this past Saturday for our screening of Fulci’s “Zombie”! Thanks to all of you that showed up and supported Edmonton’s Horror scene!

Thanks to the ladies of Lascivious Burlesque for showing us how to Hula! Don’t forget to check out their show on June 19th - THIS FRIDAY - at The Starlite Room! Also, thanks to our sponsors – Rue Morgue Magazine, Mars & Venus, Atomic Zombie, and Happy Harbour – for contributing to our wicked prize packs. And last but not least, cheers to The Pawn Shop for graciously hosting our after party and to Amber's Brewing Co. for keeping us inebriated during the movie. I’ve got a new jones for your Vampire Maple Ale.

To those that didn’t show up – you owe us one! Actually, you owe it to yourself to come to our July 11th screening –the first, and so far the ONLY Canadian screening – of the hugely controversial and hilarious blaxploitation riff “Black Devil Doll” at The Pawn Shop.

We’ve had our eyes on this film for a while, and after the positive response at last year’s horror fest, we knew we had to bring it in. And lo and behold, that black militant puppet with a homicidal streak is coming!

Unless you’re of the faint of heart or have a huge stick up your ass, you’re gonna love the murderin’, rapin’, cussin’ exploits of the doll that makes Chucky look like Opie. And what better way to watch “the most offensive movie ever made” than with a rowdy bunch of degenerates like us!

Tickets are $12 and are on sale NOW at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte. Your ticket is also good for our Mothafunkin’ Baaaaadaasss After Party, where DJ Love Shovel will be bustin’ out the funk. Break out the afro wigs, platform shoes, and funky bell bottoms and you could win a prize for best pimp and ho of the evening!

WARNING: TRAILER NSFW!

video
Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fulci's "Zombie" gets some love


Yes, I am a whore - shamelessly whoring out this weekend's ZOMBIE LUAU featuring our 35mm presentation of "Zombie". But man, I can't wait to share the demented genius of Mr. Fulci the way it was meant to be seen - on a big screen.


In case you're still not convinced that it's going to be a helluva good time (and a great way to cool of for a few hours - Saturday is expected to hit 29 degrees celcius), here are a couple of new reviews:


SEE Magazine:


"Zombie (also known variously as Zombie Flesh Eaters, Zombie Island, Island of the Living Dead, Zombi 2, and Woodoo) is absolutely indefensible as art, but as an exercise in old-school, down-and-dirty, entrail-munching grindhouse cinema, it’s damned hard to beat. Fulci uses his makeup effects sparingly but he gets the most mileage he can out of every single one of them. These zombies don’t just bite people; they rip long, juicy strips of flesh right off the bone. Worms spill from mouths and eye sockets, skulls explode in a shower of watermelon-esque brain matter, blood pours copiously out of slack zombie jaws and down zombie chins ... and wandering through it all is, of all people, Tisa Farrow, whose physical and vocal resemblance to her older sister Mia makes the film occasionally seem like a berserk cousin to Hannah and Her Sisters."


...and Vue Weekly:


"Even if you've already seen it, re-watching Zombie in an enclosed space projected from its richest source should likely charge the experience with the thrills intended for an audience 30 years earlier. As time passes, we get the chuckles over imagining the frames of mind that came to both make the film and shamelessly enjoy it—in its first release, the theatres offered complimentary barf bags for viewers upset by the wildly obscene gore; maybe you ought to finish your popcorn fast as to provide an empty container for you and your date. "


OK, back to more whoring.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Sick Fuckers (?)

Usually this blog is just an excuse to either rant a bit about the latest movie news, plug a friend’s worthwhile event, or just say “shit” and “fuck” a lot. But this time out, I’m actually going to write a serious rumination on our genre! Bust out the dictionary folks, I got me a case of the “pretentious dick” syndrome.

What got me going was this link (thanks for the post, Rue Morgue!): http://www.physorg.com/news163266028.html. The basic gist is that a study at Cornell University concluded that those that dislike icky things like horror movies tend to be conservative. To my many conservative friends out there who revel in the gore just as much as my liberal ass, my apologies. But the article did bring up some interesting points.

Working on a horror film festival in this city has been a challenging but rewarding experience. The reward has been realizing how many of you depraved bastards and bastardettes are out there in my very own city, and it’s a blast being able to bring to you the craziest horror flicks from around the world, and share them in a communal experience.

The challenge? Hearing those dreaded words “I HATE HORROR MOVIES”. I’ve heard them a lot in the past 2 years, and the challenge has been to convince people that despite the fact that they don’t like it, many do, and it’s a viable market with the potential to put our city on the map. But no matter how many facts and figures, how much brass tax, or how many dollar signs you flaunt, some people are just convinced that horror has no place in our society.

So it’s got me thinking about what it means to be a horror fan, and what horror in general means to our culture. Almost from birth, we are indoctrinated into a world of the horrific through the most unlikely source – fairy tales. Today these tales have been Disneyfied, complete with a whole slew of product tie-ins readily available at your local strip mall. But if you go back to the original source material, the Grimm Brothers, you find worlds filled with terrifying imagery in which no one – not even a child – was safe from the wrath of the supernatural and the spectre of death. Many of the Grimm’s works were based on ancient folk tales that went much farther back into our dark collective history.

I won’t bore you with the historical details, but I will say that horror has been a part of our world stretching back to the dawn of our civilization. At every era in our history, horror has been represented strongly in our culture – ancient Greek tragedies, Grand Guignol plays, German expressionism, the Universal monsters of the ‘30s and ‘40s… all the way to the modern age, yada yada yada.

It’s always been a part of our culture because, ultimately, ours is a culture of death. None of us can avoid it. And our history is full of real horrors – both inflicted by nature and by our own hands. My belief – and this’ll piss off a lot of folks, I’m sure – is that where horror fits into one’s entertainment and escapism is a factor of how one deals with the horror of reality. There are two types of people: those living in the bubble and those living out of the bubble – and I believe horror fans fit squarely in the latter category.

What is “the bubble”? Its insulation. Its chick flicks. Its all things Oprahfied. It’s like a comfy blanket to a three year old – that little piece of security, no matter how false. Its how some people may choose to deal – or not deal – with the nature of our world. Living is like walking a tightrope, even in today’s modern times. We may not have nature’s predators stalking us around every corner, but we have predators nonetheless. There are economic predators, looking to strip us of our livelihood, microbial predators like cancer and the new crop of emerging diseases, human predators, or even just the dumb fuck driving his pickup too fast on the highway. The world, despite its progress, is still scary as hell.

The Bubble, in many ways, is denial. That’s not to say that everyone who dislikes horror is a pussy, or in some way mentally incapable of dealing with life, or that everyone that likes chick flicks is in denial - some form of escapism is important for us all. But there are some people who can’t accept that, despite diligently going to work every day, paying their taxes, and doing what’s expected of them, they may still get fucked in the end. When real life horrors encroach into their lives, some people simply can’t handle it. We see this with the ‘knee jerk” types who, when faced with horrific tragedy, rant and rave that “something must be done about this”. Randomness be damned…

So naturally, many of these people shy away from anything that reminds them of the precarious nature of our existence, and there’s no better reminder in our pop culture of how thin the strings are that hold us up than a good old frightfest.

Why do horror fans embrace the darkness? What makes them different? Despite the fact that I refer to us as “sick fucks” and “depraved bastards”, I think nothing of the sort. Most horror fans I know are also the most balanced, sane people I know. I believe the horror fan doesn’t embrace horror because we’re messed in the head, I believe we embrace horror because our head is screwed on well enough to know that the world is a messed up place, and what’s on screen is nothing in comparison.

Sarte (or maybe Voltaire… what the fuck do I know) once said – and I’m paraphrasing – “to escape death, one must immerse one’s self in it”. For us, horror film is escapism because it’s a horror that we can walk away from after ninety minutes. We choose to watch the movie, and we choose to shut it off. We may root for the hero or we may root for the killer; we may revel in mindless gore or seek a less tangible terror that preys on our own imaginations. But however we do it, we do it on our terms. We might as well chase the darkness rather than have the darkness chase us.

On second thought, you guys ARE all sick fuckers. :)
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On that note, if you need your monthly quota of on screen blood and boobies, don't forget about the ZOMBIE LUAU this Saturday at Metro! The shenanigans begin at 9pm with contests, giveaways, and my very own home-cooked trailer reel that I hope will have you all busting your guts in the seats. Then we can watch more guts get busted with our 35mm screening of Fulci's ZOMBIE!


Advance tickets are $10 and are available at The Lobby DVD Shop on Whyte!

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